Kidd's Crazier than You
by Shaky Tiger
Summary: Our favorite OCD shinigami and his partners thought that house-sitting would be an easy mission ... But, when dealing with a certain deranged family... Nothing's ever easy. Soul Eater-X-Addams Family crossover, you have been warned. HIATUS FOR EDITING!
1. An Introduction to Kidd's Madness

**Ren: It has come to my hilariously short attention that there are no Addams Family/Soul Eater crossovers on this site. Think about it... Shinigami-sama (or Lord Death if you prefer...) would totally be friends with the Addams adults, leaving Kidd as a 'childhood friend' to Wednesday and Pugsley. Also, sorry in advance if anyone's out of character.**

**Kidd: Excuse me. Ren, may I have a moment?**

**Ren: Sure, Kidd what's up?**

**Kidd: It's just that... I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO TAKE PART IN THIS FANFICTION! HAVE YOU EVER _SEEN _THE ADDAMS MANSION? IT'S TOTALLY UNSYMMETRICAL! SEND ME ANYWHERE! AZKABAN! HELL! OR WORSE, _NEW JERSEY_! JUST PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME STAY THERE!**

**Ren: Kidd, if you go I'll give you perfectly symmetrical cookies~. And, you won't have to do the disclaimer.  
**

**Kidd: Fine...**

**Patti: YOUKAWA REN DOESN'T OWN THE ADDAMS FAMILY OR SOUL EATER! IF HE DID THEN HE'D BE STINKIN' RICH AND LIVE WITH GIRAFFES IN A BIG~ HOUSE!  
**

**Ren: No Patti, that's what you'd do... Whatever, ON WITH THE SHOW!**

**Da Da Da Dum! (Snap Snap)  
**

* * *

New York City: Central Park

"Kidd, are you sure we had to take this mission?" Liz began looking around nervously as the young Shinigami intently studied a map of the park. "I've heard all sorts of crazy stories about this family... I mean, what if they're Kishin?"

"Not to worry, Liz..." Kidd said reassuringly as he looked up from the map to orient himself. "Father and I have dealt with these people in the past. Rest assured, despite their... tendencies, they're allies of Shibusen and have never supported any of the Kishin that came to power in the past. They didn't side with Asura nor the Axis nor that strange Riddle fellow, so I think it's safe to say that those stories are just that; _stories_." He reminded Liz as he showed her the flyer from the mission board. The request was stylishly handwritten in black ink on a piece of tattered parchment:

**WANTED: HOUSESITTERS!**

** My beautiful wife and I intend to go on a second honeymoon and require someone to aid our family in looking after the house. This will be a relatively easy assignment, but we respectfully request accepting, open-minded students with a taste for the dark. Please present this message to our valet upon arrival.**

**PAYMENT: 20 pre-Kishin souls**

**Signed,**

**Gomez Alonzo Addams**

**0013 Cemetery Way, Central Park, New York City**

"Back up, you and your dad _know_ the Addamses?" Liz asked, visibly worried.

Kidd nodded, preparing to begin another possibly unnecessary exposition. "Well, they are allies and benefactors of Shibusen. But, due to the irregularity of their support and the occasional relocation of their mansion... Father has an agreement of sorts with the Mr. Addams. Once every three years, the Addams are to come to Death City and report to him personally. During that time, we served as their hosts, taking them on outings in the city and holding parties." Kidd paused, then shivered. "The children then played disturbing games with me like 'Is There a God?'."

"How does he know they weren't lying?"

"Oh, Father had them swear upon their ancestor's graves. See, they take family and their honor _very_ seriously."

"Then why the hell are we taking this mission?" Liz asked, still freaking out.

"Well, as a Shinigami, I feel that it's my duty to maintain good relationships with our allies. And Father said that we were the only ones that could possibly handle this mission. Besides, we're simply looking after their house for a week while Mr. and Mrs. Addams are on a trip. No combat, no life or death situations. Just looking after a mansion..."

"Well..."

"HEY GUYS~! I FOUND A SPOOKY HOUSE!" Patti bounded over, giggling madly as she pointed in a seemingly random direction. "C`MON~!"

"Well, it seems Patti's found our destination." Kidd chuckled as he folded both the map and request and placed them in his pocket. "Coming Liz?"

"Fine, but you owe me a week-long shopping spree if anything goes wrong." Liz relented, steeling her nerves for the impending chaos.

"I'll be sure to warn my bank account..." Kidd joked as they walked after Patti, who had started singing a song that only made sense to her.

Central Park: An Old, Decrepit House

"Brother dearest, you have been accused of the most grievous crime of Heresy." a pale girl with black pigtails calmly stated, turning to a chubby boy tied down upon the rack. "How do you plead?"

"Not guilty!" He shouted. Well, he must have _really_ hated having arms... and legs... and a properly aligned spine...

"That's what they always say..." the pigtailed girl mused as she cranked the handle at the top roller, relishing her younger sibling's screams of pain and pleas to do it again. "Now, let me ask you again..." The girl produced a wicked looking knife. "How do you plead?"

"_Maman_, Children, there's someone you have to meet..." A woman's voice rang out from the top of the stairs. Sighing, the pale torture-master released her captive and put away her knife. She could torture her brother anytime she wanted. Right now, she had to join her brother and meet their new 'special friends'.

(Meanwhile!)

Death the Kidd, Liz and Patti stood in front of an old, rusted gate. The trio's eyes were fixed upon the house that lay before them. The building sat upon a small hill and resembled a haunted house. However, unlike the haunted houses seen in cheesy cartoons about mystery-solving teenagers and talking dogs, the air of terror here was very, very real. Headstones dotted the unkempt front lawn and the trees looked dead and twisted. The house itself looked like it was going to collapse at any moment.

Liz looked ready to faint, Kidd was biting back his usual OCD rants and Patti... started singing her little song again. _"They're creepy and they're ooky./ Mysterious and spooky/ They're all together Kooky/ THE ADDAMS FAMILY!"_

"Patti, 'Ooky' isn't a word," Kidd snapped, producing a black notebook from his jacket. "And the last thing we need right now is that song of yours stuck in our heads."

"What's with the book?" Liz asked, managing to avert her gaze from the house. "Plan on killing someone by writing their name?" She knew the joke was not only bad, but also in poor taste. But, it helped her fight the growing sense of dread.

"Hardly. In order to avoid insulting the Addams, Father requested I muzzle my OCD. Therefore, I shall keep a journal, recording what occurred and listing everything that disturbed me throughout the week. Then, upon returning home, I will make sure everything is symmetrical."

"Of course. So how do we-" The gate creaked open, causing Liz to shriek and grab onto Kidd.

"L-Liz! This is a new coat!"

"I-DON'T-CARE! SCREW-THE-SOULS! SCREW-YOUR-DUTY! I-JUST-WANNA-GO-HOME!" Liz babbled, still clutching Kidd's coat.

"Patti, grab your sister." The young Shinigami sighed and followed the younger Thompson as she laughed maniacally, grabbing her wailing sister and dragging her up the hill and onto the front porch.

The sound of the porch's floorboards creaking under their weight did nothing to soothe Liz's shattered nerves. The sound of shrieks when Kidd pulled the bell rope didn't help either. So, when the door opened to reveal a large man stuffed into a butler's uniform, the oldest Thompson began to hyperventilate.

"You raaang?" the large man drawled out, ignoring the shrieks of terror and giggling.

Kidd, however, was not phased. All shock was brutally beaten out of him thanks to his first encounter with the Addams family at the tender age of 5. "Hello, Lurch. We are the Shibusen team your employers requested."

"Follow... the study..." Lurch answered, lumbering off with the reaper and handguns in tail.

"Kidd, what was that thing?" Liz harshly whispered.

"_Lurch_ is the Addams family's valet and he's not a thing. He's a monster." Kidd deadpanned.

"WHAT?"

"Technically, he's a zombie like Sid..." Kidd trailed off as Lurch stopped before an ornately carved door. Following the monstrous butler into the study, they saw a pale woman in a black, gothic dress reclining on an old Victorian-style sofa and a man in a pinstriped suit pacing about. The man then took and ax off the wall... and threw it at Lurch who simply stepped out of the way as the ax embedded itself in the door.

"Damn you and your lightning reflexes, man!" The man said with not a hint of malice in his voice. In fact, he seemed disturbingly happy...

"SShhiibuuseenn..." Lurch groaned in his gravelly tone before excusing himself to tend to the plants.

"Ah, the young reaper returns! My goodness, how you've grown!" The man bounded over with a smile, clapping a hand on Kidd's shoulder. "How has your father been?"

"Hello, Mr. Addams... Father has been well and looking forward to your next visit, thank you for asking." Kidd replied politely with a slight bow. "These are my Weapons, Elizabeth and Patricia Thompson." The young Shinigami gestured to the sisters. Patti waved cheerfully at the funny man while Liz started eying the nearby bay window for a quick escape.

"Of course! Where are my manners? I! Am Gomez Addams," the man in the pinstriped suit introduced himself with dramatic flair, eliciting a giggle from Patti and an amused half smile from the woman on the couch. "And this... is the love of my life and hopefully beyond the grave; Morticia."

"Now, about the mission you sent in..." Kidd cleared his throat, wasting no time getting down to business and snapping Gomez out of his passionate swooning (Read: normal behavior)

"Ah yes! You see, my wife and I are going on our second honeymoon. We're taking a weeklong tour of Paris, taking in all the wonderful sights: The sewers, the catacombs and the like. So, we need someone to help the children and Lurch look after the mansion." Gomez explained with a grin, showing off a lopsided grin with teeth that probably put Soul's to shame.

"I see..." Kidd noted, reminding himself that he had something new to add to his journal entry.

"Well, let's introduce your partners to the rest of the family..." Morticia calmly said with a half-smile, as her husband helped her to her feet. (AN: As a man, I have never worn a hobble dress. But, if anyone has, please tell me if it is hard to get up in one...) "_Maman_, Children, there's someone you have to meet."

Almost instantly, an old woman dressed in tattered clothes came in holding what appeared to be a dead cat, followed by a pale girl of fourteen dressed in black and a chubby, 12 year-old boy wearing a striped shirt and shorts. The girl was holding a headless doll while the boy had a blowtorch and welder's mask.

"Ah~ the reaper's back!" the old hag crowed sweetly, pinching Kidd's cheeks. "Wanna buy a severed head?"

"Maybe later Granny..." Kidd politely declined, starting to feel slightly uncomfortable.

"Meh, suit yourself." the old woman shrugged, whipping out the shrunken head. Apparently, it was disappointed by Kidd's decision and started crying. Granny Addams quickly left the room, muttering about chocolate and trying to reassure the head.

"Liz, Patti, meet Wednesday and Pugsley Addams, they were... friends of mine as a child." Kidd gestured to the spawn of the Addams, hesitating at the word 'friends'. Patti, unsurprisingly laughed and said something along the lines of 'You're weird, I like you!' as Liz tried to not to show any fear. Sadly, the children probably could smell it radiating from her.

"Nice to see you again Kidd. Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you too, Thompson sisters." Wednesday said politely as she calmly shook both Liz's and Patti's hands while her brother donned his welder's mask and lit the blowtorch. "Pugsley! Not yet..."

"Tthhee ccaarr..." Lurch made his presence known once again. Frankly, Kidd thought to himself, it was amazing that a man of that size could move so quietly.

"That's our cue! Kidd, there's a list of chores posted by the statue of Kali in the foyer and feel free to order out if you or your partners want a meal... without a little bite to it." The Addams patriarch instructed the young Shinigami, still grinning his shark-y grin.

"Now remember children, Kidd and his Weapons are going to help you look after the mansion. Treat them like any other member of our family." Morticia reminded her children.

"Does this mean we _can't_ maim them?" Pugsley asked, seemingly disappointed.

Their mother, raised her hands in false defeat."Well if you really want to, but nothing fatal..." a half-smile played across her face as he chubby boy cheered. "Paris awaits husband, _allons-y._"

"Tish! You know what French does to me!" Gomez declared amorously, shooting his wife a look that probably can't be described in a Teen rated fanfiction.

"Please dear, wait until we get to the car..." Morticia subtly laughed at her husband's antics as Lurch took their bags and followed them to a hearse parked outside.

"Shall we play a game of Conquest of the Golden Horde?" Wednesday asked as soon as the front door slammed shut.

"Not sure I know that one..." Liz said, calmed by the Addams girl's polite nature. "What system's it for?"

"I never said it was a video game..." the girl smiled as she produced a loaded crossbow and pointed it at Liz while her brother brandished a battle-ax with glee.

"Don't worry, we outnumber them." Kidd muttered. "All we have to do is split up... I'll run to the graveyard out back, you head to the library and Patti- Where is Patti anyway?"

"YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I FOUND!" Patti squealed as she rode a lion into the study.

"How sweet, Kitty Cat likes you." Wednesday cooed as the younger Thompson turned her feline mount upon her Meister and sister. "Would you like to be a Mongol with us?" Patti didn't answer, she just nodded energetically as the newly formed 'Mongol Horde' advanced upon the 'villagers'

"This may not end well..." Kidd sighed as Liz clung to his shoulders screaming bloody murder. It was going to be a long week.

* * *

AN: Well? Is it any good? Anyway, lemme apologize again if anyone, especially the Addams are out of character. I'm just mashing up the Musical and the Movies for characterization. Any way, please review.** Other wise you'll be receiving a visit from Wednesday and Pugsley.**

P.S: I mentioned Kidd's keeping a journal throughout the week. Anyone want me to include that?


	2. The Nightmare Begins

**Ren: All right everybody, it's that time again~**

**Kidd: To reorganize the public library?**

**Patti: To liberate Mr. Juan Giraffeypants, leader of the Piggy brigade?**

**Liz: Shop until Kidd can't feel his legs?**

**Ren: Even better! It's time for another chapter of Kidd's Crazier than You!**

**Kidd and Liz: OH DEAR GOD, NO!**

**Patti: WOOT!**

**Ren: Come on, you two. It's not that bad, Patti seems to like it... and here to help me with the disclaimer is Ms. Wednesday Friday Addams! (Thank you, TvTropes.)**

**Wednesday: Youkawa Ren does not own the Addams Family or Soul Eater. If he did, then this crossover would have happened already. Please review, dearest readers and remember, ****_I've got a crossbow_****.**

**Ren: 'Aint she great? Now then, READY? STEADY? GO!**

Addams Mansion: Liz and Patti's Room

"Elizabeth..." a young girl's voice registered in Liz's sleep-addled mind. "Elizabeth, please wake up..."

Liz groaned and threw a pillow in the voice's general direction. She didn't know who was calling her and frankly, she didn't really care. All she knew was that it had been a _long_ flight from Nevada and she just wanted to sleep until at least 4 in the afternoon. So what if the guest room looked like someone had used it to test explosives? Knowing this family, someone probably did... So, what if there were cobwebs everywhere? The bed was comfortable and that's all that mattered. Besides, in her dreamland, nothing could possibly go wrong.

"Elizabeth... Elizabeth?" the mystery girl sighed and Liz felt the bed shift a bit. "Alright, you've forced my hand... Patricia, I may require your assistance..."

"_Patti? Who'd ask her for help?_" Liz thought to herself groggily. It probably was Black Star or someone, nothing worth getting out of bed over. Suddenly, the older Thompson felt someone or more likely _something_, pinching her nose, cutting her air supply. Coughing violently, she shot up and found herself face to face with a spider roughly the size of a large coconut. Now fully awake, Liz scooted away from the arachnid abomination until her back was against the headboard, breathing heavily. And, as the adrenaline and fear began to wane, she realized two things. One, Wednesday was sitting on her bed, with a large spider dangling from her hand. Two, Patti was giggling like a madwoman beside her.

"Oh good you're up." Wednesday said with a strange half-smile. "Granny wanted me to tell you breakfast will be served shortly. Also, Homer wanted to say hello. She's been very lonely lately..." The Addams daughter gestured to her disturbingly large spider. Homer then crawled up her arm and perched upon her shoulder, nuzzling against her, much to Liz's shock. "The bathroom is down the hall to your right."

Liz, still terrified by Homer only nodded weakly. Gathering up her make-up, toothbrush and towel, she awkwardly opened the door to the hallway... then sprinted for the bathroom like the Furies were biting at her heels. Later, as Liz finished freshening up and left the bathroom, she past a walking ball of soot with three white stripes going halfway across its head.

"K-Kidd?" Liz asked nervously. She _really _didn't want to know how he was woken up.

"Pugsley had several pounds of TNT. I didn't ask and neither should you..." Kidd deadpanned as he made his limping way to the bathroom, occasionally twitching and muttering about symmetry. Sighing to herself, Liz made her way to the dining room. It was only the first day and she was already sick of the Addams family. As she walked away, she tried to convince herself it was all a bad dream; ignoring Homer as she dragged a silk-encased Patti, skittering across the walls and ceilings, heading downstairs. Patti was clearly amused, as chants of 'Go! Go! Go!' echoing through the hallways would testify.

Addams Mansion: The Dining Room:

The Addams family took pride in knowing that, despite their passion for all things dark and macabre, they were very accepting and open-minded; probably more so than those that called themselves 'Normal'. Anyone who found their way to the Addams' doorstep was treated as a member of the family. Unless of course, the guest did something to offend their eccentric hosts. Then, no god or pantheon could save them. After all, as the family motto said: _Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. __(__"We gladly feast on those who would subdue us."__)_

Anyway, as part of the famous 'Addams Hospitality', Granny personally cooked whenever guests arrived. While Kidd already knew this, Liz and Patti learned the hard way as they stared at the bowls in front of them. Granny _told_ them it was oatmeal, but it looked blackened and bruised. It even throbbed in some places. Saying Liz was disgusted would be like saying chocolate is mildly edible... Looking nervously at Kidd, he simply shrugged and stabbed his breakfast concoction with a knife. It squealed and sputtered before falling limp, allowing him to eat his meal without a fight. Turning away with disgust, Liz saw Pugsley's supposed oatmeal had grabbed him _with a tentacle_ and was beating him against a table while Patti was currently engrossed in a knife fight with hers. She also noted that Wednesday was the only one whose meal didn't give her any trouble.

"_Figures..._" the older gun-girl thought to herself, "_Even the food's afraid of her._"

After breakfast and a tour of the house, Kidd and the Thompsons (mostly Liz) decided it would be best to go over the list of chores and prepare themselves for the worst:

**List of chores for the House-sitters**

**Tend to the Morticia's Greenhouse (You'll need to catch mice to feed the plants)**

**Talk to the portraits in the gallery**

**Feed the bearskin rug in the study (It bites!)**

**Clean the attic (Check for Geists, we could use a few more...)**

**Help with Wednesday's fencing lessons**

**Organize the library (Just watch out for the copy of ****The Inferno****)**

**Oil the Rack (Test it too...)**

**Play chess with Thing daily**

**Sharpen guillotine**

**Take care of the pets (Bernice is a cuddler, be careful~)**

The list went on, each task more absurd than the last... Double checking the list to make sure he wasn't seeing things because of an explosion-induced concussion, Kidd sighed. He folded up the list and made his way to the lobby, where Wednesday and Pugsley were waiting for him with Liz and Patti. In order to familiarize the team with their new home for seven days. Granny suggested the youngest Addams give them a grand tour of the house. Since breakfast had concluded, the children decided to start with the basement... (read: Torture Chamber)

Addams Mansion: Basement/Torture Chamber

"To start our little tour, this is the basement of the mansion." Wednesday began explaining as she tied her brother to a wooden chair. The basement was cold, dark and made almost entirely of stone with a large metal door in the furthest from the stairs.

"You've... got a lot of... interesting things down here..." Liz managed to comment, once again biting back a sense of fear while Kidd admired an 'absolutely perfect!' Iron Maiden and Patti started playing a strange game with Homer involving a spinning wheel and throwing knives.

"They're mostly Father's..." The Addams daughter explained as she set a crossbow in front of Pugsley's chair and loaded an arrow. Now, what made the crossbow so special was a little dish near the butt; because, whenever something fell into the little dish, it fired. "He enjoys collecting..." she paused for a moment, trying to remember what her father had called his acquisitions, "Instruments of persuasion."

Liz stared in horror as the girl threw a bag tied to a rope over a rafter and positioned it over the little dish. Then, taking a knife from a nearby table, she cut a tiny hole into the bag and pushed it. The bag leaked sand as it swung back and forth; some of it landing in the dish, much to Pugsley's glee.

"Uh... w-what exactly did you're brother do to you?" Liz asked, shakily gesturing to Wednesdays set-up.

"Well... a few days ago, I awoke to find my hair dyed the most loathsome color, _pink..._" Wednesday explained. "My dear brother assured me that it was an experiment of Uncle Fester's... But, I'm fairly certain he was lying."

"So what? You expect him to talk?" Liz asked, hoping there was some good in this girl.

"No Elizabeth, I expect him to die." Wednesday responded, unintentionally quoting a villain from an old James Bond movie. But, unlike Goldfinger, the Addams daughter delivered her reply without villainous bravado; but rather, a vaguely disinterested tone, like someone who was becoming tired of explaining their daily routines.

"R-right..." Liz said blankly, as Kidd's songs of symmetrical praise and Patti's taunts from the spinning wheel filled the awkward silence.

Shinigami's Log: Day One

Today, Pugsley decided to detonate several pounds of TNT under my bed to wake me up, bringing back many painful memories of their visits to Death City... Also, Granny Addams decided to cook breakfast for us. She said it would help 'put some Addams in your bones!' as she served it and went off, cackling madly. 'Put some Addams in your bones'... WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? On a lighter note, Patti seems to be adjusting well... Although, I don't know whether to be assured or scared beyond all reason. I just wish Liz would learn how to cope better. After a quick tour of the house, I swear to Father she was cutting of circulation in my leg. At the very least, she could have clung to both my legs to make it even. But overall, the first day in the Addams Mansion went over well... Tomorrow, we start on the list!

Love,

Death the Kidd

Things that bothered me today:

The scorch marks in my room aren't symmetrical

I think the explosion destroyed my lucky underwear

The mirror in the bathroom as tilted 3 mm to the left (very clean... but still!)

My Breakfast tried to escape and thought it was an opera tenor

The entire basement!

Liz only clung to only one of my legs

Several death traps, including an alligator pit (Who still has those?)

The fact that Patti's adapted to the craziness (I am bothered by it after all...)


	3. Little Greenhouse of Horror

**Ren: Alright! We're back~! Honestly, I'd like to thank everyone who's reviewed this story so far! I'm glad you've enjoyed reading because I really enjoy writing~! Well~ I don't really have anything to say... So here's Shinigami reporter, Death the Kidd with the weather!**

**Kidd: Please, you have to help us! We're being held against our will in an old mansion somewhere in Central Park! Call someone! Anyone! I'll even accept Black Star's help! Just... Patti? NO! PATTI NO! CHAINSAW BAD! REMEMBER? CHAINSAW BAD!**

**Patti: MUAHAHAHA! KIDDIE GIBBLIES! WOOT!**

**Picture of Shinigami-sama's Mask**

**Ren: We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties. While we attempt to save Kidd, please enjoy this latest chapter of 'Kidd's Crazier than You' and laugh at their misfortunes. Also, remember to review~. Otherwise, we invite Patti to your house~! HAJIME!**

Addams Mansion: Morticia's Greenhouse

The greenhouse was actually a large sunroom near the back of the mansion, filled with pots and gardens of fruitful trees and colorful flowers. You see, like the rest of her family, Morticia Addams had... unusual hobbies. Aside from her talent as an artist, masterfully creating paintings that would draw you in (and never let you go), she was a capable botanist. And by botanist, I mean mistress of plants that fed upon the sorrowful tears of children and flower shop owners. The colorful flowers were mere facades, adaptations derived from natural selection as well as tender love and care. In the typical Addams fashion, of course. Some of these plants could move independently, entertaining themselves by occasionally jumping on anyone foolish enough to lower their guard. Others could talk and were not afraid to prove it. However, each and every plant possessed a strangely insatiable appetite for flesh and blood; usually placated by a few mice caught around the house.

"Okie Dokie~ Audrey!" Patti laughed, sitting at a table across from what could only be described as the cross between a Venus flytrap and a dinosaur. "You win, you get double the lil' mousies and some _really_ special compost! I win, you have to play tea party with me! Deal?" The younger Thompson stuck her hand out as shegrinned.

Audrey, being a pseudo-sentient plant, paused for a moment, weighing its options as it stroked its jaws with a broad leaf. It didn't seem like a bad deal. More food _and _special compost? Just for winning at arm wrestling? Smiling to itself, the carnivorous plant extended a long, sinewy root and placed it in Patti's hand, its own special kind of handshake. It was so wrapped up in the thought of food, it didn't notice Patti's maniacal grin as she slammed the root to the table.

"DO YOU SEE THAT? DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE WARRIOR?" Patti shouted as she gloated melodramatically, pointing at herself as she leaned over the table. Sighing to itself, Audrey rolled its eyes; or made a very similar motion. At least it was still getting fed.,,

"Patti, it's rude to gloat." Kidd scolded as he examined a rare _Jinmenju_ (A tree that grows human head-fruits, look it up!) as the fruits chattered excitedly.

"Sowwy Kidd..."

"Hey, Kidd... Y-you've stayed with the Addamses before... right?" Liz asked shakily as she stood in front of a particular plant, watching with horror as it began to stir.

"I've visited the mansion several times in my childhood." Kidd replied. Still obsessed over the strange tree; he wondered how on earth he would prune it. After all, when he made a motion with the shears, each branch for heads would demand he hack of a different one.

"A-and... y-you've been in here before... r-right?"

"Actually, yes." Kidd replied, as he tossed the shears aside in frustration. "This was always one of my favorite rooms. It was the only one that was... out of bounds."

"D-do y-you know anything about a giant red flower?" the older Thompson asked, watching in horror as snake-like roots began to coil around her legs

"Giant... Red... Ah, yes! That's Cleopatra! She's the West African Strangler that Mrs. Addams has been growing since childhood." Kidd explained, as he tended to a disturbingly large Venus flytrap. "As you can imagine, they use their roots to capture and constrict their prey. But, what's _interesting_ about the species is that they're capable of active predation. Why'd you ask?"

"Oh... No... Reason..." Liz choked out. By now, Cleopatra's roots had managed to wrap themselves around her upper body.

Kidd suddenly froze. He remembered Cleopatra could _smell _if someone was an Addams. Or at the very least, a friend of the family. He also remembered that she usually ate people she didn't like. "It's like my eighth birthday all over again..." the young Shinigami sighed, as he wiped his hands on his smock. "Liz, I'll be right back! Patti, get out of there, it'll start digesting you." Kidd warned as he ran past his other Weapon, who was relaxing in a large pitcher plant.

"Okay, Kiddo-kun~" Patti giggled, watching Kidd sprint out of the greenhouse. She knew that. After all, she wasn't stupid, but life was more fun if you ignored things like common sense.

"NO! BAD CLEO! SHE'S A GUEST! YOU DON'T EAT GUESTS!" Kidd sprinted back into the greenhouse, holding a sack of mice over his head. After sniffing around, the devil's corsage spat the traumatized Weapon out and grabbed the canvas bag from Kidd, smiling appreciatively.

"We speak of this to no one..." Liz growled as she wiped the slime off her face.

"My lips are sealed." Kidd agreed, successfully masking his amusement as he looked over the list. "Now, what's next?"

(Later! In Gomez's Study)

"Okay. Now, as soon as I get its mouth open, you give it the steak..." Liz nodded hesitantly at Kidd's instructions. "Just be careful... I'm not sure if it can still move..."

"What?" Liz asked flatly, staring at a very serious looking Death the Kidd as he dawned a pair of gauntlets. "Kidd, it's a rug... I'm pretty sure it's-" Suddenly, the rug snarled at her. Shrieking like a madwoman, she leaped into Kidd's arms. "OMG! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!"

"L-Liz! Please, think of the symmetry!" the young Shinigami sputtered as Liz's death-grip on his head tightened.

"DON'T CARE! KILL THAT THING!"

"Kill it? Liz, it's already dead!"

"It just _snarled_ at me!"

"It's hungry!" Kidd countered. "Now, just calm down and throw the steak at it..."

"Okay..." Liz gulped as she feebly held the slab of raw meat in front of the rug's nose. Sniffing appreciatively, the bear dragged itself forward by its head and bit into the steak. Tearing at it for a moment, the rug simply decided to swallow it in one bite.

"Okay, that's just wrong..."Liz looked disgusted by the rug's manners.

"Yes but it must be done..." Kidd sighed as he took off his oversized gloves. "Wait, where's Patti?"

(Meanwhile, In the Graveyard)

"All right, just like we practiced." Patti instructed a group of zombies as Wednesday watched, slightly amused. For some reason or another, the hyperactive Weapon was dressed in a golden tuxedo, complete with tophat. "The last bit, from the top! **It just a jump to the left!**"

**"And then a step to the right~!"** The zombies chorused with unnerving energy (Well, unnerving to normal people) as they followed Patti, performing the dance steps. Apparently, they weren't bad singers and possibly huge fans of the _Rocky Horror Show_.

**"Put your hands on your hips!"** The younger Thompson smiled as she looked over her shoulder, hoping her 'students' could keep up.

**"And bring your knees in tight~!" **The zombies and Patti began circling their arms and gyrating their hips, in unison.

**"And it's the pelvic thrust~/That really drives you insane~!"** Patti started giggling maniacally as they started... well, thrusting. Finally, their 15 minutes of semi-rigorous rehearsal were coming together. **"Let's do the Time Warp again~!" **

"WOOT! BRING IT HOME!" Patti threw her hat in the air and spun around, laughing her insane laugh.

**"Let's. Do. The. Time. Warp. Again~!" **And with that, the deceased Addamses made a grand show of the final notes as Patti caught her hat, spinning dramatically as she put it on and running a finger across the brim. As the dance ended, the corpses grouped around Patti as she pointed to her audience (read: Wendnesday)

"Well? How'd we do?" Patti was breathing heavily as she looked expectantly at the Addams daughter.

"Your choreography could use a little work." Wednesday walked over to the blonde Weapon, her face expressionless as she grabbed a pair of shovels. "More importantly, the concept of an all-zombie musical seems a bit strange and may be deemed... nasty by the public."

"Really?" Patti's lip started to quiver. Were it really that bad? Sure, the dancing was a bit off. But hey, they were dead people.

"Yes." The pigtailed Addams smiled. Not a normal 'everything's sunshine and rainbows' kind of smile or a mildly amused half-smile. Rather, the sort of sly, murderous smile that you'd give an enemy as you watched them drink a nice, cold glass of lemonade, unaware what you did to it. "But remember, the Family _loves_ the strange and nasty..."

"WOOT! THANK'S WENDY!" Patti's grin returned, wider than seemingly possible. "Sorry 'bout making you summon your ancestors and all..."

"Not a problem. I do enjoy the occasional of Necromancy." Wednesday handed the younger Thompson a shovel. "Now come along, Patricia; my brother won't exhume himself if he knows what's good for him." The two girls walked off, shovels in hand as a new and potentially dangerous friendship was forged.

Shinigami's Log: Day Two

Today, we started on the list of duties for our mission as house sitters. I recommended tending to the greenhouse first, to ease our descent into madness. Sadly, I had forgotten about Cleopatra and how territorial she could be. Now, thanks to a certain incident which I cannot speak of, Liz can't even _look _at a salad without screaming. Hopefully, there are therapists for that... Also, for some strange reason, the Addams Ancestors are practicing dance numbers in the graveyard... I suspect it is Patti's doing...

Love,

Death the Kidd

Things that bothered me today

The_ Jinmenju _kept talking about my stripes (I died a little bit on the inside)

The Rug's bite marks were asymmetrical

Patti's been watching too much _Scrubs _(Father help me if she imitates the Janitor)

Cleopatra!

If we feed the rug... where does the food go?

Liz might have cut off circulation to my brain

When/How did Patti teach Zombies how to dance? (They're not bad...)

Patti wants me to finance an All-Zombie musical (What?)

**AN: Well~ The madness officially begins. Will Kidd and/or Liz go insane? Will Patti become an Addams? What would happen if Stein and Fester met? Well, read on and find out! Plus, feel free to give me suggestions for other inexplicably dangerous chores/situations I can put our favorite trio through!**


	4. The Reaper, The Geist and The Attic

**Kidd: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry (read: Overjoyed) to announce that Youkawa Ren has come to his senses and discontinued the sadistic story; Kidd's Crazier than You. From now on, this fan-fiction will be called The Perfectly Symmetrical Adventures of Kidd and Friends. We hope you will enjoy the new content.**

**Ren: Kidd, nothing's changed. In fact, I've was just talking to Wednesday! Then, one thing led to another... and, I gave her a net cannon!**

**Kidd: What! (Ka-Snare!) H-H-Hi... Wendy~**

**Wednesday: Hello, Kidd... We're going to play a little game...**

**Kidd: NO! WEDNESDAY, WAIT! I'VE STILL GOT THAT CONDITION FROM LAST TIME!**

**Wednesday: Oh, don't worry... I've set the voltage lower this time. (Kidd's Screams of Terror)**

**Ren: Well, enough Kidd torturing... On to the next chapter of Kidd's Crazier than You! Also, I've hidden a few references in here. Spot them all and win internet cookies, straight from Granny Addams! **

Addams Mansion: The Attic

It was horrifying, the floorboards creaked when stepped on, and the overall atmosphere was dark, and creepy. It also smelt of mildew and Death. It was messy. Boxes and crates and cages were strewn about carelessly alongside rusting machine parts, tattered papers and dangerous weapons. Large cobwebs hung from ceilings and there were half-inch thick layers of dust everywhere It was... the attic of Addams Manor!

Members of the Addams clan were like ACME magnets. Dark, but strangely friendly ones with the dials set to 'Crazy'. So, various Addams relations often sent souvenirs from their adventures as gifts, stored in the attic until needed by the family. Perhaps Wednesday wants to play with the boggart trapped in an old wardrobe, or Uncle Fester needed blueprints for a new death ray. They always checked the attic; but, due to the sheer volume and magnitude of familial generosity, it became difficult to move around, much less find anything. So, it was up to our favorite trio and the Addams children to clean the entire room.

"This'll take forever, even _with_ Kidd's OCD~!" Liz fell to her knees with a moan. As a Shibusen Weapon, she had seen evil. She had seen horror. She had seen unholy maggots which feasted in the dark recesses of the human soul. Daily! But, she had _never_ seen anything as terrifying as this! In her desperation, the older Thompson turned to Wednesday, who was calmly reading a book in a dusty armchair. "How are we supposed to clean this place anyway?"

"Patience, Elizabeth. Hopefully, my dear brother has found what we need." Wednesday smiled as she turned to the next chapter of Tyranny and You! Part IV: How to ensure Total Subjugation. She didn't bother looking up when; a moment later, Pugsley popped out of a nearby coffin, causing poor Liz to start hyperventilating.

"You'll never guess what I found!" The pudgy terror held a large rock over his head, grinning maliciously. "A crystal skull from Uncle Henry's last expedition!"

"Ah, there we are."

"C-Crystal s-skull?" Liz pointed at the artifact, shaking with a combination of fear and denial. "Is it real?"

Wednesday placed her book aside, smiling pleasantly. For some reason, this made Liz feel worse. "Pusgley, it seems a little demonstration is in order..."

Cackling with malicious glee, the younger Addams child fixed the skull's gaze on a large crate. To Liz's surprise and horror, the wooden box began to rise into the air and slammed itself against a wall.

"Cool right? It also works on people, too!" Pugsley smiled, revealing teeth that reminded the older girl of a certain white-haired scythe.

Wednesday interrupted her brother's train of thought, smacking him on the head and grabbing the skull. "Perhaps another time, brother dearest. We have work to do..."

(LATER!)

Since they finished cleaning the attic in record time, our heroes and the Addams siblings decided to take a break and play with some of the gifts of Addams past. Patti was singing to an audience of three from the rafters; armed with black cape and white half-mask. Liz, on the other hand was trying to pretend it was all a dream.

"That's actually a pretty good impersonation of Great-great-uncle Eric..." Pugsley commented, leafing through Uncle Fester's old notes for ideas.

"I suppose... I still preferred Kidd's version. After all, he _believes_ he's a deformed monstrosity. However, he needs singing lessons... still too happy sounding..."

"Right, right... Hey, where'd we put Cousin Sev's old potion books again?"

"Check by Mother's paintings..."Wednesday replied as she absentmindedly shook the large flask in her hand, angering the black blob inside.

"Um... Wednesday, when your father said 'check for Geists', what did he mean exactly?" Kidd asked as Wednesday put the flask down, ignoring the indignant cries of its prisoner. For some reason, she heard this strange knocking... And it was coming from somewhere nearby...

"As you know, Geists are basically the combination of restless souls and lingering magic. And, since the manor is very, very old; it's only natural to have a few lurking about. So, to keep track of them, we usually bind them to objects such as dolls, books and furniture." the pigtailed Addams explained. Her face may have been expressionless, but that knocking was starting to get on her nerves.

"So, _that's_ why Granny's teapot attacked me when I was 11!" Kidd suddenly recalled an unpleasant incident from an Addams family visit. It involved a curious young Shinigami, some spoons and a corn muffin. Needless to say, the kitchen was totaled and he still twitched whenever he heard the word 'Darjeeling'.

"Correct; but, there's something I should mention..." Wednesday's explanation was cut short as a large mirror flew between them, shattering against a wall. "Geists are very territorial, they hate it when we clean the attic."

"Of course they are... Liz, Patti! Transform!"

"Okies~!"

"Oi, Kidd! You promised there'd be no life or death situations!"

"Call it, a secondary hazard..." Kidd smiled as the familiar guns appeared in his hands.

"This may be a tad obvious... but, do try not to hit anything." Wednesday reminded the young reaper as she rummaged through an old toy chest. Geist attacks were a common occurrence. There was still that knocking... Pugsley ran off, laughing to himself about a photon pack and goggles.

Death the Kidd nodded, focusing on the spirit in front of him. It wasn't much to look at; a skeleton trapped in shrunken skin and withered muscles, enshrouded by vapor. The specter nodded, mentally sizing Death the Kidd up. Howling in defiance, it flew into a case of knives.

"This can't _possibly_ end well..."

As the case floated in midair, Kidd's eyes widened. The latch clicked. The case opened. And a wall of knives flew straight at the young Shinigami!

"Liz! Patti! _Soul Resonance!_"

"_Skull Shield!_" The wavelength masks managed to block some of the knives. Although many embedded harmlessly themselves in the walls, a few stray blades managed to land near a certain pigtailed girl...

"I don't suppose you could avoid hitting _me_ as well..." The dark-haired girl glared at the reaper, with a hint of verbal aconite in her tone.

"Sorry..." Kidd paused. Something felt off... He checked his left. No, nothing. Then, he checked his right. No, Noth-hold on, was thata _tear_? Yes, and on the right sleeve of his favorite shirt too!

"Oh, it's _on_ now!" (AN: I always wanted Kidd to say this!) Suddenly, the air felt much heavier. A tattered, black cloak formed around Kidd's body, billowing ominously at his feet. Swiping a hand over his face, he donned a familiar looking mask, the cartoonish shields now replaced by large, skeletal hands.

"K-Kid?"

"Not now, Liz. I'm going to face this thing like a Shinigami!"

The Geist tilted its head with interest. Cackling, it summoned the knives back. And, with one last howl; it rushed Kidd, the blades now circling around its body.

Kidd tightened his grip. He wouldn't run. Not now. His shirt required avenging. Steeling himself, he held a fist high in the air. The large hand of wavelength mimicked his action.

The spirit drew closer. The son of Death held his fist high, unfazed. It was probably ten feet away now. Long, rotting tongue licking its withered lips. The knives spun faster, like a nightmarish bone saw.

"_Shinigami Chop!_" Kid threw his arm down. And the wavelength hand followed, delivering a painful chop to the Geist's head. Howling in pain, the restless spirit fell, pinned by Kidd's chop.

"Impressive..." Wednesday quirked an eyebrow. While surprised, her face still bore a calm mask.

"Well, did I miss it? Huh? Did you get it?" Pugsley came barreling up the stairs, back into the attic. He now wore a pair of oversized goggles and what resembled a cross between a backpack and a vacuum cleaner.

"Brother, I believe you caught the last one..." Wednesday calmly grabbed his shoulder, giving it a harsh squeeze. She held a doll in her other hand. A simple doll; a pale girl with black hair in a billowy black dress. "It's my turn..."

"Okay! Fine! Fine! Just lemme go already!"

Smiling, Wednesday let go of her brother and walked towards the young Shinigami. "Kidd, could you please keep it pinned down? I don't want it trying to escape"

"Oi Kidd, w-what's going on?" Liz asked, as Wednesday advanced, holding her doll menacingly.

"You'll see..."

The Geist forced it's head up, locking eyes with Wednesday. It thrashed about and Kidd pushed down harder. Wednesday knelt down and held her doll in front of the Geist's face.

"Get in."

Snarling in protest, the spirit tried to force itself up. Wednesday continued to glare at it, looking straight into its eye sockets. "You've caused quite a bit of trouble today. So, I won't repeat myself again. _Get_. _In_."

The Geist resisted, snarling and thrashing about. But, Wednesday remained calm. Still, there was no hiding the Addams' signature dark presence and no enemy was immune. The spirit struggled a bit longer. Finally, with a whimper, it billowed into the doll. Wriggling out of Wednesday's hand, it flew off to a far off shelf, sulking.

"K-K-Kidd?"

"And _that _is why I try not to forget Wednesday's birthday."

"Well, that was exciting. Anyway" a loud knocking interrupted the Addams daughter. "Where _is_ that knocking coming from?"

"Wednesday, I think I found it!" Pugsley rushed over, holding an ornate black box. The box shook and rattled as the something thumped against the lid.

"Well? Open it." The younger, portly Addams child undid the latch and lifted the box's lid. Instantly, a human hand popped up, with a tiny fedora on the thumb. "Oh, there you are Thing. Nice hat. Where on earth have you been?"

Thing began gesturing wildly with his fingers like an epileptic spider. Sighing, Wednesday hid her face in her palm. "Thing, you're stuttering and we can't understand a word you're saying. Anyway, you remember Kidd right? He's going to be playing chess with your for the next four days."

Thing gave thumb's up and jumped out of the box, scuttling towards the stairs on his fingers. Much like an epileptic spider.

"K-K-KIDD!" Liz transformed back into human form and sprinted in the exact opposite direction of Thing, hiding behind a large bookshelf.

Patti handled Thing's introduction in a much more... enthusiastic way. She transformed back and took off after the severed hand. "YAHOO! REVEAL TO ME YOUR SECRETS, FIGHTY HAND!"

"Liz! Patti! Come on, you're ruining the dramatic effect!"Turning to Wednesday and Pusley, Kidd sighed. "So, did Thing set the board up?"

Death the Kidd's Log: Day Three

We had to clean out the attic today. Words cannot describe the sheer, unending terror we endured. The horror, the completely disorderly horror. Not to mention the Geist attack. I now owe Liz a shopping spree when we're done. I fear for my bank account. Also, I had my daily chess game with Thing. Apparently, he hadn't expected me to improve. We are now halfway through the week and already I feel my mind unraveling. I don't know how, but Patti seems to be taking this in stride. What is her secret?

Love.

Death the Kidd

Things that bothered me today

The Attic! (It haunts me...)

Thing tried to stab me with a rook. (Sore loser...)

How is Thing alive anyway?

Patti found a whip

Wednesday's death glare made me remember... things...

Memories from the "Battle of the Kitchen"

A strange diary was whispering to me (I think there was a fang in it)

**AN: Well, wasn't that fun? Anyway, really sorry about the lack of updates and all, editing and reality kept getting in the way. Also, I'm gotta ask, should I make a prequel about Kidd's childhood w/ the Addams children? Plus, feel free to give me suggestions for other inexplicably dangerous chores/situations I can put our favorite trio through!**


	5. Fencing and Cupcakes and I'm Back!

**Ren: Okay, everybody! It's time for the next chapter of... Kidd's Crazier than You! Also, I'm really sorry about the lack of updates! I was enrolled in summer classes... and I then discovered Firefly and things sort of spiraled out of control. Now, the Addams kids are breathing down my neck and brandishing deadly implements of torture.**

**Wednesday: So, have you learned your lesson about procrastination?**

**Ren: Yes I have, Wednesday... I'll try to update regularly, Wednesday... Please don't hurt me Wednesday!**

**Pugsley: Well, you know what to do...**

**Ren: And now, without further stalling for time or pleading for my life. I bring you the latest chapter of KIDD'S CRAZIER THAN YOU!**

Addams Mansion: Sun Room

Death the Kidd; son of Shinigami-sama; twin gun Meister and symmetry addict sat in a strangely comfortable armchair as he pondered his situation. He watched a severed hand scurry from one side of a chessboard to another, occasionally stopping to consider a move. Was it a disturbing scene? Oh, hell yes. But, it was also one of the _duller _moments of Kidd's _magical_ stay at Addams Manor. In light of the exponentially increasing crazy he was now exposed to, Kidd found his daily games with Thing to be a much-needed break. They gave him time to unwind without fear of stab wounds and explosions. He was even making progress with his OCD therapy.

The young Shinigami leaned forward, tenting his hands as he stared intently at the board, trying to find any potential openings as Thing hovered over his remaining knight and, after some further consideration, moved it forward.

Kidd smiled as he symmetrically pushed a rook across the board, letting it rest across from Thing's king. "Hm... this has been an interesting game, Thing... But, I do believe that I have you in checkmate."

Unfortunately, Thing didn't like losing. At least not to people who weren't family, anyway. In a fit of amputated rage, the severed hand flipped the board at Kidd's face before pouncing on the defenseless Meister. After ten minutes of what could only be described as screaming, high-octane nightmare fuel, Kidd limped out of the sun room and fell to the floor, his eyes bloodshot and wide with horror, his clothes in disarray and a bishop stuck up his nose.

"Oi, Kidd! You gotta- whoa..." Liz stopped when she saw her Meister rocking back and forth. Saying he looked like crap would be both redundant and an understatement.

"The horror... The horror... Liz... T-T-Thing... beat me... with... with... the knight~! THE MOST ASSYMETRICAL PIECE IN THE SET! WHY~?" the young Shinigami moaned, burying his face in his hands. Liz smiled nervously as she awkwardly patted her Meister's head. Even with her experience dealing with Kidd's OCD, there were still some things about it that she still couldn't quite understand. And right now, she couldn't deal with a whiny Shinigami.

"Um... there there, Kidd... It'll be alright, I think... Look, Wednesday wanted me to find you. She needs help with her fencing lessons."

The older Thompson's jaw fell open with shock. In the space of under a minute, Kidd had gotten to his feet, regained his composure and straightened out his clothes. "Ah yes, I almost forgot about those. I assume she is are waiting with Pugsley and your sister in the study."

"Yeah," Liz caught herself. "Hey, waitaminute! Do you even know _how _to fence?"

"Of course I do. You forget, I am a childhood friend of the Addams and such skills were deemed mandatory for my survival." Kidd smirked as he made his way to the study with the composure of a prisoner heading to the gallows.

"Right."

Addams Mansion: Outside the Study

"I dunno about this, Patti. Its probably been years since Kidd fenced" Liz muttered as Kidd, now dressed in black vest and a strangely poofy-sleeved shirt grabbed a saber from the wall, giving it a few practice swings.

"Sis, don't worry... Kidd's gonna be fine! I mean, how much work can putting up a fence be? Well, I guess there's the hammering and the paint and... Hey, maybe he'll want snacks! Think we should make some?"

"Um, that's not how fencing works. And, I kinda wanna watch this. So, you can make some snacks if you want..."

"Oh, okies!" Patti smiled as she skipped on her crazy way.

"Just make sure Granny Addams is there with you!" Liz shouted after her. Years of experience and four destroyed mansions taught her to never leave Patti alone in a kitchen.

(Meanwhile, with Kidd)

"That should be enough practice! Now, if I remember everything I learned from Father, I should manage to survive for _at least_ five minutes" Kidd sighed, shouldering his blade. He liked to think that he was a competent fencer; but, based on the memories_ hadn't_ repressed, he recalled that the Addams fenced with very special rules. And by special, I mean _as few as possible_. The big one being that killing your opponent, although sternly frowned upon, was not necessarily prohibited. "I'm going to die!" Suddenly, a large stiletto knife embedded itself in the wall beside him, barely missing his jugular. "Oh, how right you are..." It was Wednesday, now dressed in a pitch-black fencer's uniform, rapier in hand. "Well then, shall we get started?"

Kidd gulped, but didn't turn around. As he was certain she could smell his fear. "Can we at least set some rules? Like, no aiming for vital organs?"

"Oh very well... Pugsley can you start the match?" Wednesday sighed, turning to the desk where her brother sat eagerly.

Clearing his throat, Pugsley stepped between the fencers.

"Salute! Ready?" Kid and Wednesday held their swords at the ready, then crossed blades. **(AN: Guess who knows nothing about fencing?) **"Now, fence!"

Wednesday suddenly launched forward with a thrust aimed at Kidd's throat. The Shinigami barely managed a parry. Muttering an apology, he rammed the guard into Wednesday's stomach. With newly unrepressed memories about fencing coursing through his mind, he did the only logical thing and ran for his life.

"Really, you'd think he'd know better than that..." the Addams daughter mused as she got to her feet. Making her way to the wall, she coolly wrenched her knife free. "But, I suppose this does make things more interesting. Come along, Pugsley, the game is afoot!"

Kidd sprinted past Liz, leapt between the booby-trapped suits of armor and ducked under crossbows. The young Shinigami found his way into the foyer. He needed to get away from Wednesday and fast. But, barring any escape via a poorly written-in Deus ex Machina; he'd have no choice but to fight her. Realizing this, he rushed up the stairs and balanced himself on the railing. Then, lailing his arms and screaming girlishly as he jumped, he managed to pull himself up onto the chandelier, praying that Wednesday didn't try to hunt him down.

The Addams daughter calmly threw several knives at Kidd. "Really now, I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to retreat."

Smiling darkly, she made her way towards a convenient lift and kicked the lever out. With rope in hand, she was flung into the air; landing gracefully on the chandelier in front of Kidd, rapier pointed at his face.

Realizing he had cornered himself, Kidd swung at Wednesday, hoping to get at least one hit. The oldest Addams blocked and parried, knocking the sword out of his hand. The saber stabbed into the ground, scaring Liz.

Wednesday smiled, nicking Kidd's poofy shirt on both sleeves with her blade. "Well, it looks like that's point for me. Pugsley dearest, could you please bring us down?" Nodding enthusiastically, Pugsley ran towards a large crank. As the pudgy boy started turning madly, the chandelier began to descend.

"You have to understand Kidd, when I fence you. I do wish for you to have a sporting chance. Put up a fight, if you know what I mean." Wednesday said calmly, turning towards the young Shinigami.

"Of course." Kidd1 said, nervously wondering if he should call his father for backup. And more importantly, what he had he been on when he accepted this mission?

The girl smiled, "That being said, I think a short break may be in order." As if on cue, Patti burst into the room, with a burnt apron around her waist, a tray of cupcakes in each hand and... one balanced on her head?

"Hey Kidd, wanna try these? Granny said Wendy came up with the recipe!" Patti smiled as she skipped over, shoving the trays into Kidd's face. The one on her head, remained perfectly balanced, however.

Wednesday coolly shrugged as Kidd and the older Thompson stared in shock. "It's a hobby."

That alone made Kidd cautious. Looking over the trays he saw, there was actually nothing wrong with them. Each cupcake was decorated with colorful frosting designs and looked perfectly normal. No oozing, no pulsating, no tentacles. Just tiny, delicious looking cakes.

"Well, they do look delicious, Patti. But, I'm fairly-" Kidd suddenly found something crammed in his mouth. It wasn't that bad. The cupcake was moist, sweet without being overwhelming and, more importantly... it was chocolate! And possibly, something else? Swallowing, he gladly helped himself to another "Liz! You need to try this!"

"Alright..." Liz shakily grabbed a cupcake and tentatively took a bite. "Hey, these ain't half bad! What's in 'em?"

Patti stuck her lip out in deep thought. "Oh yeah! They're really easy to make! It's got some flour, eggs, chocolate, pony..."

Kidd and Liz paused, then awkwardly choked down their cupcakes. Something about that recipe just didn't seem right. After an uncomfortable silence, Kidd spoke up. "Patti. Please, please tell me that you said chocolate pony. As in: a tiny horse made of chocolate!"

Patti shook her head, and amazingly the tray on her head still didn't fall. "Nu-uh! We used real pony! Granny Addams said the recipe didn't work any other way! Why?"

"Patti, there are several things wrong with that recipe..." Kidd began, as Patti's usually constant smile was beginning to wane and tears started welling up in her eyes.

"No! No, nothing's wrong, we love 'em! Don't we, Kidd?" Liz quickly butted in, shoving another _baked-good-of-doom_ into Kidd's open mouth.

"Bwuh?"

"Don't. We. Kidd?" Liz repeated, elbowing him in the gut and sending crumbs everywhere. Kidd choked the disturbing treat down and gave a weak thumbs-up, rubbing his injured stomach with the other hand. "But, maybe you should save these for a super-special occasion. Like when Black Star and Soul confess their undying love to each other in song!"

"Okies! I'm gonna make more! There's a bake sale going on in the park and Wendy said we should enter!" Patti giggled as she bounded away; the tray on her head still in place. She was singing a strange little song to herself, oblivious to the shared looks of horror on Kidd and Liz's faces.

Death the Kidd's Log: Day Four

It looks like Thing's temper hasn't improved since our last game. But, at least it was only a bishop up my nose this time. Anyway, I was forced to help with Wednesday's fencing lesson. Strangely, I heard epic orchestra music playing in my head during the match. Perhaps that's Patti's secret to dealing with the Addams. Speaking of which, she apparently learned how to bake. And more shocking, bake well. Sadly, her latest recipe requires some... strange ingredients. I TASTED RAINBOWS! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? Now, Liz and I have to save an entire park from Addams baking. May Father have mercy on our souls...

Love,

Death the Kidd

Things that bothered me today

The cupcakes...

I believe I saw a pink pony bouncing around the grounds (Strange... Patti's doing?)

Thing still is a sore loser

Patti's learning how to cook

My internal orchestra was off-tempo

I think Wednesday wanted to kill me!

Once again, those cupcakes... How was something that tasty made of evil?

**Ren: Why did I do this? Why, oh why, oh why? Forgive me, my semi-loyal readers. Aside from my irregular update schedule, I have committed another, far worse crime. I have inadvertently used a joke from a fandom I both know very little about and have no strong opinions of one way or another. But look, it's the freakin' Addams and it works in context! Either way, I apologize and hereby open myself to requests to make up for my accidental pandering. **

**P.S. Guess the fandom and win some internet prizes!**


	6. Fun with Dungeons!

**Ren: Well, this is_ probably_ the halfway point of my little crossover fic, and I'd just like to say... Thank you! Anyone who's been kind enough to read this thing, offer to give me advice or leave a review. I'd like to thank all of you. I mean, I know I've probably used a few cliched jokes here and there and my dialogues a bit strained. But, you all seem to like it anyway. And really, I'm just glad I found people who liked reading this as much as I do writing. so thanks for that. I'm also really sorry about my dodgy updating schedule. I'll try to be better about it. Maybe weekly if I can. And now, to ruin the moment, something completely different...**

**Patti: I MADE GIRAFFES OUT OF ICE CREAM~! WOOT!  
Ren: Well that was special. Now, on with the show! By the way, any guesses on the references yet? C'mon... it'll be fun!**

Mystery Zone

Death the Kidd woke up with a splitting headache. He didn't know what was going on or where he was. But he knew, he just_ knew_ that he was upside down. After several minutes of trying to right himself. Kidd stopped, and instead focusing on regaining his bearings. But it didn't really help. No matter where he looked, there was nothing but an endless expanse of white.

"I guess screaming for help is out of the question, so the best thing I can do for now is float along and hope for the best." Kidd muttered under his breath in a sour tone. Despite his cultured upbringing or perhaps because of it, Death the Kidd possessed a razor-sharp wit and knew how to use it. Of course, he had learned it was often best to keep his acidic commentary to himself. Sighing in resignation, he simply laid back and allowed himself to float lazily along. He would've floated forever, but he suddenly banged his head against something. Something like a large wagon wheel with torches lining the outer ring and a tower at the hub. "Well, this is just a little_ too_ convenient."

The young Shinigami pulled himself on to the wheel, and leaned against one of the torches. Each one had a metal base and a body made of some strange white material, which seemed to be melting due to the open flames. His OCD was starting to act up and he was getting this strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. There was just _something _about that tower that he didn't like and it had nothing to do with symmetry. Sighing once again, Kidd made his way towards the wheel's center. He really didn't want to investigate, but he figured he had to. If he didn't, this wouldn't be much of a chapter. The tower resembled an obelisk and was decorated with all sorts of designs: snakes, spiders, scorpions and even strange long-necked creatures Kidd swore he had seen somewhere before.

As he brushed a hand along the tower, a giggly female voice echoed in the void. "Oh? Hiyah Kiddo-kun, you hungry~?"

"Patti, what on earth are you doing here and more importantly, where are you?"

"Kiddo-kun, you silly Shinigami, I'm right in front of you!"

The ground under Kidd's feet began to rumble as the tower split apart, forming four sets of stairs leading up to a skeletal throne. There sat Patti Thompson, in a blood-stained chef's uniform, holding a covered, silver tray. "So, ya hungry?"

Kidd's looked nervously at the tray. "Patti, what exactly is in that tray?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's_ only _my new favorite-est recipe ever, Pony Cupcakes!" Patti smiled maniacally. With a flourish, she lifted the lid off the tray and threw it aside, revealing a pyramid of the colorful but evil cupcakes. "Want one?"

Kidd started to edge away slowly from what he_ really_ hoped was Patti. But, she started to close in on him, holding the tray to his face. "P-Patti... I-I thought we agreed you'd never make those again..."

Patti's lips puckered as she thought about... something..."Well~, I figured your half-birthday was gonna be a _really_ _super-special_ occasion. So, I baked 'em~! How come? You seem a bit... worried."

"Honestly Patti, I'm terrified." Kidd said nervously as he continued to back away from his Weapon, stopping just before the edge.

"Well, you know the old saying... sometimes, you just have to laugh~!" Patti giggled as she skipped, bounced and spun her way over to Kidd, her cupcakes still in hand.

The young Shinigami looked over his shoulder nervously, wondering if the fall would kill him. "L-L-Laugh?"

"Yup! Y'know: laughing, giggling, chuckling, chortling, snickering... all that good stuff! Here, I'll show ya! Just hold these, kay?" Patti shoved her tray into Kidd's arms, which was just enough to send him hurtling downwards into the white void. "Bye Kiddo-kun! Nice talkin' to ya! Oopsies, forgot to give him his prezzie!" Patti kneeled down and emptied a bucket of water over the edge.

As Kidd fell, he threw the tray of cupcakes aside and watched perplexed as they floated harmlessly way. And as the ground enthusiastically rushed up to meet him, Kidd felt a sudden downpour soak him right through his clothes. Thus, bringing an end to a blatantly obvious dream sequence.

Addams Manor: Basement/Torture Chamber

Kidd woke up, breathing heavily and dripping with what he really hoped was water. The dream felt far too real for his liking. So, he went through a mental checklist to make sure it was just a dream.

"_His Fez and Bowtie?__"_ Woefully absent, Liz would never let him buy either one.

"_Embarrassing Tattoos?_" Thankfully, none were found.

"_Kidneys?_" Present and symmetrical.

"_Legs?_" Check, but strangely immobile.

"_Arms?_" Check, and also immobile.

"_Membership to Symmetry Enthusiasts' Club?_" He'd have to renew that later...

"_Appendix?_" Present but still vestigial.

Everything seemed to be in order. So, why did he still feel apprehensive and a tad uneasy? As if to answer his questions, Patti skipped in wearing a black leather leotard, fishnets and pearls under a lab coat. "Hiyah Kidd!"

"Patti? What's going on? Where am I? And _what_ in Father's name are you wearing?" Kidd asked as he struggled to get up. For some reason, he still couldn't move his arms and legs.

"Well~, we're house-sitting for the Addams and you overslept. So, since Sis didn't want to come with me, I decided to help take care of some of the chores. Right now, you're in the basement with me and I'm wearin' a costume for the first dress rehearsal of my new all-zombie theater troupe! You like? Made it myself!" Patti smile as she twirled around to show off her costume.

"Yes yes Patti, you look stunning." Kidd nodded hurriedly. It actually did look good on her, but there were more pressing matters. "Wait, you're doing some of these chores by yourself? Well, that's strangely responsible of you... What exactly have you done already?"

Kidd felt his heart stop when Patti straddled him, giggling. Then, it started beating with a vengeance when he felt a sharp tugging on his arms and legs. "Well, I already oiled the rack. So, now comes the super fun part!"

"Banana bread, Patti! Banana bread! For the love of Father, woman! Banana bread!" Kidd sputtered hurriedly, trying to keep his limbs where they belonged. _Banana bread _wasn't even code for anything, he just really hoped that would get her to stop.

Apparently, it worked. "Okie Dokie!" Patti laughed as she jumped off and gave the rack a slight turn. Hearing Kidd wince, she rushed to undo the ropes on his arms. "Well, the rack works perfectly!"

Kidd shot his partner a look as he rubbed his wrists. "Joy... Wait a minute, Liz! Patti, where's your sister?"

"Hm... Oh yeah! Sis said there wasn't a shopping spree in the world big enough to bring her down here. So, she's gonna walk around the park for a bit! Dunno why though, this place is AWESOME!"

**(Later!)**

"Monsieur du Mellonpont, we have reason to believe you have exhibited behaviors contrary to the revolution. How do you plead?" Death the Kidd circled around the guillotine, interrogating his newest captive. This wouldn't be pretty, but it had to be done. But, du Mellonpont remained silent. Partly out of his convictions and partly because he was half a watermelon. "Hm... the silent type. I can see you are a brave man. Foolish, but brave. Executress?"

Patti popped up, now wearing a black cowl. Giggling madly, she fingered the rope holding the large blade in place. "Yes, High Inquisitor?"

"It appears our man refuses to confess. You know what must be done..."

Patti gave the rope a sharp yank and the blade came down, slicing the poor melon in half. "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"

Kidd took a bite out of their melony captive. "Well, it seems the guillotine's as sharp as I remember."

"Uh-huh!" Patti mumbled through a mouthful of melon.

"Patti, you said your sister was in the park, correct? Well then, shall we join her?" Kidd suggested as he hoisted the heavy blade back up.

"Sure! Think we should bring her some melon?"

New York City: Central Park

Liz Thompson sighed as she sat on a park bench taking in the sights. She watched as normal people took leisurely strolls and street performers tried to make some money. Today was perfect, the sun was shining, the birds were singing and the hot dog she had bought wasn't undercooked! Yes, there was nothing that could ruin this for her. That is of course, until saw a trail of smoke, then heard insane laughter barreling past her at Mach-1! Whatever it was, it probably crashed somewhere in the park! Somewhere close to her! So logically, she should stay as far away from the site as possible! Yes, that was a good plan! Unfortunately, Patti rushed by dragging Kidd towards the smoldering crater.

"Hiyah Sis, didja see the crash? Huh? We_ gotta_ check it out! C'mon!"

"K-Kidd? What's going on?"

"I'm not sure. But I'm fairly certain it's not Addams related. Just humor your sister for now." Kidd reasoned as Patti went on about alien invasions and her giraffe resistance group. Or was she asking him to finance a zombie musical?

The crater was roughly five feet across and just as deep with large clouds of smoke billowing out. A crowd had started to gather around the edge, curious to see what would come out. When our favorite trio reached it, they saw Wednesday and Pugsley calmly waiting near the edge.

"children", she asked nervously, as dark smiles played across their faces "Alright, what're you two doing here?"

"Well, if you must know, I believe Uncle Fester's returned from his trip." Wednesday answered as a large, human-like shape rose from the crater. Faced with the possibility of another monster attack, the crowd dispersed in a panic. As the smoke and dust cleared, a fat, bald man in a black coat made his way out of the crater, towards the Addamses and our favorite trio.

"Hey kids, guess who's back!" Fester said, before coughing up a puff of smoke. Which usually happened when you traveled _by cannon fire_. "Yup, too much black gunpowder... Wow, Kidd's here too! How've you been, still got that OCD? I think I can help~."

Kidd stiffly turned to his long suffering weapon and confidant. "Liz, this is Uncle Fester. Be afraid, be very afraid."

Death the Kidd's Log: Day Five

Lately, I've been having odd dreams as of late and many of them, strangely involve Patti. I'm not entirely sure what any of it means. Perhaps my subconscious is rebelling against my continued exposure to this madness. Maybe it was something I ate, which given Granny Addams' cooking, may be more likely... Regardless, as soon as this mission is over; I plan on investing in a good therapist. As if that wasn't enough, it seems that Uncle Fester has returned as well. I can still remember the last time he came to Death City. I wonder if third-degree laser burns and brain coring are covered by Father's health insurance? And for that matter, does Father even have health insurance?

Love,

Death the Kidd

Things that bothered me today

I am dreaming about those... CUPCAKES!

Uncle Fester has not changed at all...

My dreams have yet to achieve symmetry

Now, I want a fez

I saw the pink one again...

I feel this needs repetition, THE CUPCAKES HAUNT ME!

**Ren: I need to stop myself... I continue gleaning jokes from an unfamiliar fandom. But, I'm gonna stop after this, promise! Anyway, I just feel this needs to be said again, thanks for everything and I hope you still want to read this.**


	7. Kidd vs Fester's Lab

**Kidd: Hello? Is anyone there? Well, I don't think I have much time before Ren returns and starts writing again! Patti has this crazy theory that he's something called 'an Author' and he controls our universe. But, what she forgets is that he answers to a higher power. So, if anyone's out there, please, please, stop him! I need you to beg him to write something less fatal... You know, in case Patti's right!**

**Ren: I'm back~!**

**Kidd: Oh dear God, no...**

**Ren: -TYPING!- And then Kidd vanished and woke up strapped to a table!**

**Kidd: Wha-? -POOF!-**

**Ren: All right, Kidd's on to something. If any of you've got any suggestions for extra chapters, send me a PM or leave it in a review! I love a challenge! And we're live in 3, 2, 1! The latest chapter of Kidd's Crazier than You is a go! **

**-Addams Mansion: Wherever Kidd Wakes Up!-**

Death the Kidd woke up strapped to a table... again... for what felt like one time too many. Actually, now that he thought about it; the last time this happened was also one time too many. Placing his deja vu aside, Kidd knew he had to figure out where he was as quickly and rationally manner. This routine of waking up in unfamiliar places was beginning to wear thin.

Kidd turned his head left and right, trying to look for any clues as to where he was. "_Let's see, poorly-lit and musky dungeon... All right, I'm still in the Addams Mansion. What else? Bubbly beakers full of questionable chemicals, barrels of explosives, rusty chains and... is that a death ray? I know exactly where I am!_"

"Uncle Fester's Lab" Kidd muttered under his breath. As expected of a secret basement-lab, this was where Fester carried out his experiments. All of both questionable safety and zero legality. Kidd knew this because in his childhood, Fester let Wednesday and Pugsley play "Is there a God?" here. Or, when they would sneak him in as a guinea pig for some experiments of their own, such as his 11th birthday, when he woke up as a Scottish Terrier.

"_Now, the question is... what exactly is going on here?_"

"Hey you're up, Kiddo!" As if on cue, Uncle Fester popped up from beyond a console. A pair of goggles on his forehead and a crazed look in his eye. "How ya' feelin'? Still a bit woozy? That'd be the sedative talking"

"Uncle Fester? What in Father's name is going on here?" Kidd moaned as he struggled against his restraints.

"Well, you know how you've got that crippling OCD?"

"Yes..."

"I figured I'd do something nice and help you get over it!"

"And dare I ask how?" Kidd sighed, eying a strangely realistic skeleton suspiciously.

"The only truly effective way, of course! I'm going to use a high power laser to perform a lobotomy!" Fester grinned as he pushed his goggles over his eyes and typed something into the nearby console. "And don't worry! I'm a registered surgeon in four countries"

_"And banned just about everywhere else..." _Kidd bit back his acerbic remark. "Is any of this safe? Or legal for that matter?"

"Oh don't worry, it's totally safe! I've done this loads of times and I always came out alright! CONTACT!" Fester cackled as he threw the switch, then left with a cackle. Every mad scientist worth his coat knew to never watch an experiment.

Realizing the danger he was in, Kidd struggled for a moment, then reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Then, after many rapid keystrokes, he placed it back in his pocket. There were only two people he could count on right now. Hopefully, one of them would get the message. "_Well, now what?_"

"I'd get comfy if I were you... And don't worry, you're gonna be out in a couple pages anyway, maybe just one, if you're lucky. Besides, that laser's gonna take a bit to warm up" A voice called out to Kidd from somewhere in the lab. Turning his head, Kidd found a young man trapped in a glass box waving at him. "Yo!"

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Trust me, you might be better off not knowing. It'll blow your mind!"

"Try me..."

**-Meanwhile, with Liz and Patti-**

"Oh, I say Lady Addams, this is indeed a lovely brew." Patti said, with surprising grace and etiquette. Despite her childhood on the streets and unique personality, Patti had long fantasized of enjoying a perfectly normal tea party with dolls, her sister and maybe a few friends. And now, Wednesday gave her that opportunity. An opportunity she accepted with gusto, dragging her still bewildered and slightly intimidated sister with her.

"I'm glad you like it. It's a special fruit blend made from Marie's private orchard" Wednesday smiled, gesturing to her headless doll beside her. "She's told me the tea leaves have to be just the right age... Three months after budding I believe. So tell me Elizabeth, I understand you and your sister are under a young Shinigami's employ. What's that like?"

"Honestly, Lady Addams; with his eccentricities and our duties, it is quite interesting. But, he is an understanding employer and he does listen to our grievances. Laconically, it is hard work, but enjoyable none the less." Liz said in a refined tone, appreciating her tea's aroma. It was a nice blend, better than most of the stuff available in Death City. Probably better than anything Kidd kept around the house. Plus, she always wanted to have tea party, not that she'd ever admit it... "But enough about us, I understand-"

A loud ring tone interrupted Liz' train of thought. Smiling sheepishly, Liz slowly reached into her pocked and flipped out her phone. It was a text from Kidd:

** Dear Liz and/or Patti,**

**I'm not sure how it happened, but I'm strapped to a table in Uncle Fester's Lab. I suspect my frontal lobe is in danger. So, if it isn't too much trouble... PLEASE SAVE ME!**

** Love,**

** Death the Kidd**

"Patti!" Liz jumped to her feet. "Kidd's in trouble. We gotta go!"

"Lemme see that!" Breaking decorum, Patti grabbed the phone from her sister. After reading the text a few times, Patti set her teacup down. Sure, tea parties were fun and all, but her Meister and best friend ever was in trouble. And_ Patricia Margaret VanLaser-Thompson_ would not let anything happen to Kidd, never again. Not after the unpleasantness at Disneyland.

"C'mon Patti!"

"Waitaminute sis!" Patti grabbed at her sister's shirt, the universal signal to wait. "My apologies Lady Addams, but it seems our employer has gotten himself into a spot of trouble. So, I'm afraid we're going to have to cut this short."

"I understand. After all from what you've told me, it seems like he's gotten into trouble in the past. You go rescue him, we can always reschedule. Same time tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't miss it." Patti smiled, gracefully shaking Wednesday's hand. "Okay, now we can go!" Patti sprinted out of the room, dragging her confused sister behind her. Seconds later, Patti poked her head through the door, looking very confused. "Where's Uncle Fester's lab again?"

"Down the stairs, in the basement, last door on the right..."

"Gotcha! C'mon sis!" Patti nodded eagerly before dragging Liz off.

**-Meanwhile, back in Fester's Lab-**

"So, you mean to tell me you're from another universe?" Kidd asked skeptically. There was something wrong with this young man's story. Actually there were a lot of things wrong with his story. Looking over his tattered clothes and unkempt, long brown hair, it was clear Fester picked this poor soul off the street. So for now, Kidd decided to humor him and listen to his story.

"Yeah, I kinda... sorta... accidentally wrote myself into your 'verse by mistake." The Prisoner shrugged. "Long story short, I've kinda been stuck here for a few months... That's when Fester found me and well, you can figure out what came next."

"I don't understand, you claim to be 'an Author'... correct?"

"Yeah, pretty much!"

"And, you say your writing can alter reality?"

"Uh... Bingo!"

"So, can't you write a way out for yourself? Or at the very least, you could make this mission a little more bearable? I mean, you would be able to, right?"

The Prisoner sucked air through his teeth nervously. "Well, in theory I could. But, there _are_ rules you know."

"Rules?"

"Well yeah. I'd go on, but it'd take to long to explain all of 'em. You'd be surprised how many times this sorta thing happens. Well, not here but in other 'verses. Anyway, sounds like that laser's all charged up and ready to go. So, good luck Kidd!"

Looking upward, Kidd saw the laser begin to whir and glow an ominous red. Kidd struggled against his bonds, trying to get his arms free. Which was difficult, since his arms were strapped to his sides.

The glow became brighter and, realizing there was no hope of escape, Kidd sighed and closed his eyes. It was strange. As a Shibusen student, he had faced life-or-death situations countless times. But, never once had his life flashed before his eyes. That is, until now. There it was, his third birthday, when Father bought him a pet octopus... which ran away two weeks later. Right there, his first day at Shibusen, when he totally humiliated Soul and Black Star. And then there was that unpleasantness at Disneyland. His mind ready and conscious clear, Death the Kidd was finally at peace. He was ready to pass on. It was a shame though, he never did get to...

"PATTI THOMPSON!" Hang on, was that Patti? Opening his eyes, Kidd saw, that it was his more _"enthusiastic"_ partner, gun in hand and a crazy look in her eyes. He knew that look. He saw it once before, during her first date.

"Liz, save Kidd! I'm gonna try and disable the laser thingy!" Patti shouted orders... and threw her sister's Weapon form at the now terrified Shinigami.

"Do you even_ know _what you're doing?" Liz asked as she transformed and struggled with Kidd's restraints.

"Just smash it 'til it breaks, right?" Patti peaked over the console, beating the keyboard with a wrench.

"Fine..."

After a few more hits, Patti realized her plan wasn't working and looked over the console. A bunch of blinking lights, some switches, a broken screen and a few wrench shaped dents, nothing out of the ordinary. Clearly, a new approach was needed... And, if action movies had taught her anything, she'd have to cut some wires. Kicking a panel open, she realized this was going to be much harder than she'd thought. The insides were a clutter of wires, circuit boards, used gum and paperclips.

"Pick the red one."

"Bwuh?"

"The red one, its always the red one. Just give it a nice, hard yank." the Prisoner suggested, looking at the dirt under his nails. "And I'd hurry if I were you... You've probably got 'bout less than a minute."

Patti stuck her hands into the console and started poking around. Grabbing onto a disturbingly sticky red wire, she gave a quick yank and ripped it out of the console. And just to be safe, she hit the entire thing a few more times with a wrench.

"Sis! You got Kidd out?"

"Don't worry Patti, I'm fine." Kidd smiled weakly as he passed her, heading towards the door. "Shall we?"

"Right..."

"Okies! Can we find Wendy? We did leave her tea party to find ya!"

"We'll see..."

**-Later!-**

"Wednesday, you've been in your uncle's lab, right? " Death the Kidd and the Thompson sisters sat at a table across from Wednesday and a bound and gagged Pusgley. Wednesday had decided to have another tea party, which Patti enthusiastically supported.

"Well, yes." the Addams daughter replied, pouring herself a fresh cup of tea.

"Have you been down there recently? Like in the last couple of months."

"I think so, how come?"

"Do you know anything about a crazy person in a glass box?" Kidd asked, adding a sugar cube to his tea, stirring it nonchalantly.

Wednesday placed her teacup down in shock. "Excuse me? Kidd, there has never been any crazy person down in Uncle's lab." Pugsley muffled a confirmation.

"Wait wait wait!" Patti joined the conversation as she helped herself to a cupcake. "I know there's someone down there. He helped me turn off a laser!"

"If that's true... than who in Father's name was that?"

**-Meanwhile, down in Uncle Fester's Lab-**

"Well, that was fun." the Prisoner said, clapping his hands. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a glass cutter and carved a large hole. Pushing the hole out, he escaped from his prison. "Just between you and me, Fester; what exactly does that death machine do?"

"This?" Fester jerked a burning thumb towards the wrecked console and laser. "Oh, it's just an ice cream maker. Want some? It's steak flavored."

"I'm good. So, why'd you tell Kidd it's a laser?"

"Why not? It was funny!" Fester cackled as he examined the damage with approval. "Plus, did you see his face? Priceless!"

"True. Well, I really gotta get goin'. You know; places to go, people to see, dimensional walls to demolish." The Prisoner smiled. Scribbling a few lines onto a pad of paper, he summoned a large portal to another dimension. "GERONIMO!"

**Ren: I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. I've committed yet another sin of writing. I've awkwardly placed an Author Avatar into a story. So, penance time! If you've got suggestions, challenges or anything of that nature, just PM me or something.**


	8. Interlude: The Tragic Origin Story

**Ren: We're at the eighth chapter! So, you know what that means? Time for some extra stuff to stall while I think of more ideas! Anyway, if you've got a challenge for me, just gimme a PM! Look, I know I've said that a lot, but I'd really appreciate the help... Or at least, I could use a challenge. So, not to be pushy, but, bring it on!**

**Meet the Addams Family**

Undisclosed Location, New England: Seven Years ago (Only seven? NO!)

Somewhere in New England, an old, rundown mansion sat upon a small hill. Headstones and weeds alike dotted the unkempt front lawn and a dead willow tree stood tall in the backyard. A young boy in a black suit walked up to the mansion, through a canopy of trees that blocked the sun. Two men followed the boy, one of holding a large mirror. The young boy had a stern expression on his face and clutched a large book in his tiny hands. This boy was the son of the Shinigami, Death the Kidd, age ten. The two men were Shibusen's best Weapon and Meister, Spirit "Death Scythe" Albarn and Franken Stein. These two great men traveled the world, risking their lives in the Shinigami's name. But now, they faced their greatest challenge yet. They were... Kidd's babysitters!

"Oi Stein, couldn't you at least help me with this?" Spirit moaned as he struggled with the weight of the mirror. Since Lord Death couldn't leave the walls of Death City, he had to communicate by mirror. This made things a tad_ difficult_ whenever someone wanted to meet him in person. And by difficult, I mean someone had to carry the very fancy and very heavy mirror. And Spirit drew the short straw.

"I could, but I have my hands full." Stein smiled, holding an incredibly shady-looking cloth sack. "Besides, a bit of exercise won't hurt, Senpai..."

"Dr. Stein, are you sure this is necessary?" Kidd asked. "I am a Shinigami, the son of Death. I should be learning how to preserve the balance of the world, not wasting time making friends."

"Your father said you should have a normal childhood." Dr. Stein answered, ignoring his partner's cursing and moaning.

"Yeah, you can't just lock yourself in the mansion. It ain't right" Spirit groaned as he tried to hold the mirror up.

"Didn't you refuse to leave my house when Kami broke up with you?" Stein asked, without missing a beat and Spirit almost dropped the mirror in shock. "Anyway, it is also the duty of a Shinigami to maintain good relations between Shibusen and her allies. So, think of this as killing two birds with one stone. You'll be learning about your future responsibilities and making new friends."

"If you insist..."

**Meanwhile, Somewhere Else!**

On top of the mansion's old, decaying roof, two children sat peering over the edge. The older of the two was a pale girl with pigtails wearing a black dress. The other was a chubby little boy somehow forced into a striped shirt two sizes too small and shorts.

"Hm... a ball bounces when thrown from a great height. Although this is a basic observation, it should be enough to establish an experimental control." the pale girl noted as she scribbled in a ratty notebook. "Now, the question is... will a human do the same? Pugsley dearest, are you ready?"

"Do it! Do it! Do it!"

The girl chewed on her pencil, deep in thought. "Well, I _should_ have second thoughts about this... But, who am I to stand in the way of science?"

The girl gave her brother a great push and diligently watched as he hurtled towards the ground. She hoped for a nice, sickening, splat and maybe some blood spatter that looked like one of those silly inkblot tests. But, just before her brother hit the ground, a man in a white coat dived to save him. "What a pity, he lives. Wait a moment, is that Uncle Franken?"

**Now, Back to Kidd and Those Two Guys!**

Dr. Franken Stein was having a very good day. He had finally managed to convince little Death the Kidd his new pet tarantula had run away and that he most certainly_ did not_ accidentally crush it with a rolled up magazine. The city had agreed to not press charges due to one of Kidd's 'symmetry episodes'. And Marie_ finally_ stopped bugging him about redecorating his lab. How that woman thought lacy curtains and flowers worked in a place of science, he would never know. Yes, today was a good day for the slightly-homicidal doctor. So, when he saw a pudgy child falling towards the ground at exponentially increasing speeds. He_ knew_ he picked a bad week to try and quit smoking.

"Terrific... Senpai, hold this." Stein muttered as he tossed his mystery sack of horrors to a slightly **(read: incredibly)** annoyed Death Scythe. "And Kidd... keep an eye on him."

Dr. Franken Stein casually straightened his lab coat before calmly and coolly breaking into a full-out sprint, hoping to reach the child before he hit the pavement. He knew he'd be cutting it close, but he managed to save the boy from his grisly demise.

"Pugsley, what did I tell you about trying to fly?" Stein asked, lifting the pudgy one up to look him in the eye.

"Um... to throw myself at the ground and miss?"

"No." Stein paused, set Pugsley down and tightened the screw in his head, trying to remember something."Well, yes. But that's not the point right now. Where's your sister? I suspect she has something to do with this."

"Hello Uncle, we weren't expecting you until later in the evening." Wednesday walked towards the stitched up mad scientist and her brother. The Addams daughter held a strange box in her arms but Stein didn't say anything. He knew what was in there... and besides, why spoil the surprise?

"Wednesday, didn't your Uncle Fester talk to you about experiments with your brother?"

"Yes, yes he did. He said to make sure to establish a good control and ensure repeatable results."

"Dr. Stein, Death Scythe almost dropped the mirror." Kidd walked over, calmly reading his big book.

"Death the Kidd, I'd like you to meet Wednesday and Pugsley Addams. They're going to be your new friends" Stein gestured to the Addams children.

Death the Kidd looked over these strange children. These... supposed peers of his. They didn't seem too bad. After all, their clothes were symmetrical, so that counted for something. Right? "A pleasure to meet you." Kidd held his hand out in a friendly manner.

"Likewise." Wednesday shook his hand, with a slight smile on her face. Kidd noted her smile reminded him of what he thought snakes looked like when they've cornered their next meal. It was amused, sly and promised nothing but pain. Still, he was here to make friends and friends didn't judge. Or run screaming because of one scary aspect.

"OI STEIN! THANKS FOR WAITING FOR ME!" Spirit angrily trudged towards the group. His legs starting to buckle under the weight of the heavy mirror and what ever was in Stein's bag.

"Well, since you're having trouble with this, Senpai. I'll bring it to Mr. Addams' study." Stein effortlessly grabbed the mirror and put it over his shoulder, to Spirit's childish fuming. "Just give them the sack."

"Sack? Oh, right!" Spirit fumbled with the present and held it in front of the Addamses like the unholy sacrifice it was.

"Thing? Could you take our present to the playroom, please?" Wednesday held the box up and a severed hand popped out. It scurried across the driveway, crawled up Spirit's clothes and grabbed the sack. Then, it jumped off his arm back into the box, holding the sack. Taking a moment to process what happened, The Shibusen's strongest Death Scythe took the most rational course of action. He swooned and fainted.

Death the Kidd stared at the scene with wide-eyed horror. Even at ten years old, he was a tad naïve. He still thought girls were weird, he still believed in Santa and set traps for the jolly fat man every Christmas and he still thought the Disney mascots were scary. But, he definitely knew three things. One, severed hands shouldn't scuttle anywhere. Two, they shouldn't even be _alive_. And three, they _definitely_ shouldn't disappear into boxes. Now, the time of rationalizing and intellectualizing was over. Now, he had to listen to his instincts. And every last one of them told him one thing. One simple, universal truth that would help him against the Addams family for years to come.

_"Be afraid. Be very afraid."_


	9. Stop! Patti Time!

**Ren: Well, here we go again... Time for another possibly entertaining chapter of Kidd's Crazier than You! Now, with 20% more Patti! Yes, Patti. Your loss of sanity guaranteed or your money back. You see, it has come to my attention that I've been torturing Kidd for the past seven or eight chapters and left the Thompson sisters offstage, as it were. Therefore, to at least partially correct this. I'm giving our favorite Brooklyn mad-girl her time in the spotlight. So I apologize in advance if this may be a tad confusing, eyes of madness and all that.**

* * *

**Addams Mansion: Liz and Patti's room**

"PSST!"

Patti moaned in her sleep and snuggled herself deeper into the covers. Her boundless energy had to come from somewhere. Although, just where it came from exactly was still being fiercely debated. Besides, she was on the second floor; it was probably just the wind or something.

"PSST!" The voice whispered again, a little louder this time as he tapped on the windows. "Patti, wake up!"

Patti moaned again and flashed an obscene gesture in the window's general direction.

"Patti, let me in."

_"Okay, this is getting really old!"_ Patti angrily sat up in bed with a humph and automatically scanned the room, taking note of every last detail. Well, nothing seemed out of place: Her teddy bear, some coloring books, a fishbowl, Mr. Frisky, her new pet piranha, Sis's bed, Sis, a pair of shorts, her cowboy hat, group picture from Spring Break, creepy shadow in the window, a comfy chair, a unicycle...

_"Wait a minute..." _Her eyes widened. She gasped in shock, something was very, very wrong. _"When did we get unicycle!"_

"PSST!"

_"And the tire's sprung a leak, too!"_

"Patricia Thompson, open this window, right now!"

-GASP- Her full name! No, not her FULL NAME! Anything but that! Her full name was a terrible thing, always followed by nasty orders:

_ Patricia Thompson, don't tilt the picture frames._

_ Patricia Thompson, clean your room._

_ Patricia Thompson, get out of that giraffe enclosure!_

Whatever this thing was, it was definitely bad news!

"Oh for the love of... Patti, just let me in already!" the voice demanded angrily. "It's really cold out here!"

Patti jumped out of bed and made her way to the window. Drawing back the curtains, she saw a young man with shaggy brown hair dangling from an overhead chunk of masonry. It was the Prisoner from Fester's lab. He was still wearing the same, tattered clothes from yesterday. Although, the fez was a nice touch.

"Well, are you gonna let me in or not?" The Prisoner asked with a grin.

The younger Thompson laughed to herself and opened the window. She grabbed his hand and with an evil smile and gave it a quick yank. This sent the poor man rolling across the room, stopping with a thud against a wall.

"I meant to do that!" The Prisoner defended as he scrambled to his feet and straightened his clothes. "Anyway, what's up!"

"You're that guy from Fester's lab! With a Fez!"

"Yup, fezzes are cool. And I guess I never introduced myself earlier. Just call me..." the Prisoner paused and muttered to himself, deep in thought. "Wait, never thought of a name. Hm, gimme a minute... Let's see, Pen-something... Penn and Teller? No. Penstroke? I think that one's taken. Maybe, Dr. Penman? Ew... Ah, whatever. Just call me the Author! It a'int original, but I guess it'll do for now. Least, until I think of something better."

"Alright Author! So, whataya want?" Patti stared him down. She was a lot of things but she wasn't stupid. Crazy and trigger happy maybe, but definitely not stupid. "Better yet, what're you doing back in my 'verse?"

"Uh... what ever are you talking about Patti? I'm nothing... really! I'm just an ordinary human! Definitely nothing you'd be interested in, honest!"

Patti wasn't amused and continued to glare at her new _special friend_. It would almost be redundant to say she wasn't buying it. But, she wasn't.

"Oh bugger, what gave me away?"

"Nothing, kinda figured it all out." Patti smirked. The cheerful and a tad maniacal Patti was gone. In her place stood a street-wise Brooklyn girl. And this girl knew a liar when she saw one. She also knew to never trust a Rockette. But, that was another story. "So, I'm only gonna ask one more time, what do you want?"

"What? A guy can't just randomly tear holes in the wall between dimensions anymore?" the Author laughed, throwing the fez aside.

Patti folded her arms skeptically. She still wasn't buying it.

"Oh, fine. Nobody's gonna believe you anyway. I just popped in to say you're gonna be in the spotlight for a little bit and to give you this." The young man shrugged, then fished something out of his pocket. It was a golden badge that looked like a sheriff's star, with the words "Main Character" painstakingly carved onto the face.

"Patti, this is gonna be really important. So pay attention..." He started talking again, but Patti wasn't listening. All she could hear was gibberish and occasionally her name. She was still fixated on the badge. It was shiny. Not the tin foil kind of shiny or that chrome pipe-y kind of shiny. Nope, it was the _special_ kind of shiny. The kind of shiny that seemed to glow. The kind of shiny that just_ begged _you to steal it.

No, bad Patti! You're not that kind of girl anymore! More importantly, Patti decided, the Author looked _really_ funny now. His mouth was flapping about, but no real words came out. It was like a cheesy foreign movie, only _she_ was making up the subtitles. It'd be funny if he started talking about bananas, wouldn't it?

"_Blah Blah Blah, Patti_ Patti? Patti? Are you even listening?" the young man snapped his fingers, trying to get the younger Thompson's attention. "Anyone home?"

"Sorry, what was the question?" Patti blinked trying to remember what he'd said. Something about bananas, maybe? No, it was the badge!

"I said: do you understand what this does?"

"Yeah!" Patti nodded. She had no idea what was going on. But, why tell him that?

"Well, take it then." The Author smiled and held the badge in front of her. It was still that special kind of shiny. Plus, it wasn't stealing if he offered it, right? Patti took the badge and held it closer to read the inscription. Suddenly, a little nozzle popped up and sprayed a mist at her. It smelled funny, not like that cologne Kidd liked funny. It smelled kind of like cotton candy. She liked cotton candy, maybe she'd get some later! But, if it smelled like cotton candy... why were her eyes getting heavy? And, when did the room start spinning?

Patti giddily staggered back and forth as she made her way across the room, her legs feeling more and more like lead with each step. And finally, she fell onto her bed with a thud, snoring loudly.

"Didn't want to do that..." The Author sighed, scribbling something on a piece of paper and flicking it at the sleeping girl. "But, we're already two pages in, and I gotta get the plot started somehow. Allons-y!" He fiddled with his watch and crackling portal appeared outside the window. Smirking, he took a running start and leaped through it.

**-MORNING!-**

The next morning, Patti rolled out of bed. She didn't crawl out of bed, or leisurely get up, she literally rolled over and hit her head on the floor. Rubbing her head in pain, she thought about what happened last night. Had it been a dream? And if it had, then she_ really _had to stop eating jello before bed. I mean, it had to be! The Author coming back to visit? Seemed kind of silly, even for her. But, she changed her mind when she peeled a piece of paper of her face. It was a note...

_"Have fun, Thompson?"_ Patti squinted as she read the note. That's it? Have fun? What the heck did that mean? There had to be more! Patti flipped it over. The other side was blank. She held the note to the light. Still nothing. She even licked it. Nasty tasting, but still nothing new showed up.

"Sis, I got a creepy note, any idea what it means?" Patti asked. But, her sister said nothing. In fact, she wasn't even in their room.

"Sis? Kidd? Wendy? Pugsley?" Still no answer. Where did they go? What if, what if she was all alone? What if she was the last person alive? She needed to prepare for the inevitable zombie-pocalypse. She needed food and water and hey, another note! This note was left on the nightstand, next to Mr. Frisky's bowl. She knew this handwriting, it was Death the Kidd's. Nobody else would use such immaculate and kind of girly cursive.

**Dear Patti,**

**Your sister insisted that I take her on a "therapeutic" shopping trip. She said she only needed a few things. So naturally, we should be back in a few hours or a few thousand dollars later. Which ever comes first. Wednesday and Pugsley have gone off... somewhere. I didn't ask and neither should you.**

** Love,**

** Death the Kidd**

_**Hey Patti, **_

_** Whatever you do, don't go into the library and don't check the third shelf from the right. You'll know why...**_

_** From,**_

_** Take a guess...**_

So, Kidd and Sis were on a shopping trip? She was all alone in a creepy house full of dangerous, supernatural things? A mysterious note? Wow, was there a downside to this? There was only one thing she could do. Time to definitely _not _check out the library!

The Addams family was famous for many things: their preference for the dark and the macabre, their surprising tolerance, their familial loyalty. But, the one thing everyone seemed to forget was their impressive library. All members of the family were firm believers that knowledge was power, and they could always use more power. How else could Pugsley know how to build a death ray? Their library was a massive maze of bookcases, each one tall enough to make one feel insignificant under the weight of such a collection of knowledge. And each individual shelf of each bookcase was filled with books both old and new on many a subject, showcasing their eclectic interests. Theirs was a library like no other. With high ceilings and Gothic style, it was the kind of library that was a cathedral of knowledge and definitely looked the part. The kind of library where one could enter one morning and then realize they've spent three days reading... non-stop. Yeah, it was that kind of big.

Of course, none of that really mattered to Patti. I just thought _someone_ would like the description and/or could appreciate good architecture. She wanted fun and she wanted it now. But, she had no idea what she was looking for. If only there was a thinly-veiled, poorly-inserted Deus Ex Machina that could help her. But, what? What? WHAT?

A knock came from a small wooden box on a nearby table. Patti smiled to herself. She knew who it was. Flipping the lid off, Patti squealed with joy as Thing popped up and stretched his... fingers. "Hiya Thing, I wanna borrow a book! The note said it's on the third shelf from the right." Patti gave the note to the severed hand. After somehow managing to read over it, Thing gave a salute and scuttled off.

"You know you guys can go get a snack or scroll down or something. This _might_ take a while." Patti smiled, waving at mysterious, otherworldly beings beyond the veil of her perception **(*Audience*)**. She plopped down in a nearby chair, swinging her legs back and forth expectantly. She waited and waited and waited a bit more. And, out of sheer boredom, the younger Thompson stared at her nails, still waiting for Thing. It was astounding, it seemed like time was fleeting and madness would take its toll. Sighing, she checked her new watch. How much longer would this take?

It had only been three minutes. Nope, make that three and a half.

Patti groaned, this was taking forever! She'd already sung all the songs she knew in her head, even the national anthem she made up. She couldn't wait any longer! She wanted fun now! And so, she'd make fun... it wouldn't take too much. All she needed was a giraffe, some pantyhose and a mariachi band. Yes, she would rain Fun from the heavens! Let the dull heathens know her... Hey, Thing's back!

Thing scuttled to the foot of her chair, carrying two books on his wrist stump. Picking up the books, Patti put them in front of her and read over the titles.

**Gazing Upon** t**he Fourth Wall: Who Are You People and Why Are You Watching Me? by Dr. Wade Wilson M.D, Ph.D, B.S.**

** Necromancy for Dummies! A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising an Army of the Undead**

Patti smiled evilly. Yes, she knew exactly what kind of fun she'd have today.

**-Meanwhile, with Kidd and Liz-**

Liz was having the time of her life! Yup, there was nothing that helped her get over psychological trauma like shopping. Of course, the fact that Kidd was paying for everything definitely helped with her recovery. And yet, she felt a bit apprehensive and uneasy. Ever since she started living at Gallows Mansion with Patti, she'd developed this strange sixth sense. She couldn't predict the future or detect her enemies in a crowd. No, it was something simpler than all of that. No matter where she was in the world, no matter what time it was; Elizabeth Virginia Thompson knew, she _just _knew when her sister was about to raise a little hell. But, surely it wasn't now. After all, she hadn't felt the "tell".

Wait, her eye started twitching. Once, Twice, Three times!

Yup, there it was. Still, no reason to check on her just yet... After all, it wasn't like she'd go and break the fundamental laws of nature. Right?

**-New York City: Central Park!-**

Patti sighed in disappointment. This wasn't going as well as she'd hoped. Apparently, zombies were not the best Ultimate Frisbee players. She could easily defend her thesis with three well-researched observations: A. Zombies were slow and had terrible reflexes. B. There were now more severed limbs on the field than players. And C. They were now trying to eat squirrels. Something was missing, but what? Patti reached into her back pocket and pulled out a ratty looking piece of paper. It was her to-do list. Let's see: Learn the rules for "Is There a God?" Check. Have a tea party? Check. Learn a valuable lesson about Friendship? Um... Maybe later. Beat oatmeal in a knife fight? Nah, She took care of _that_ second chapter. Promote her all-zombie theater troupe? Bingo! That'll be awesome! But, for this to work, she needed to be somewhere big. Someplace where thousands of people would pass through and hopefully donate to her cause or even buy tickets. Patti nodded, her mind was made up. OFF TO TIMES SQUARE!

**-New York City: Times Square!-**

"Scuse me, could I interest ya in watching an _really~_ awesome musical? It's performed by an all zombie cast!" Patti enthusiastically shoved a pamphlet in the face of yet_ another_ tourist. But, it seemed like he wasn't interested. In fact, he seemed kind of terrified as he ran off. Patti pouted childishly and walked off, flanked by a pair of confused zombies. Despite being on Broadway, it seemed like no one here was interested in her musical. It was even something awesome, the Rocky Horror Show! What's not to love? Maybe they wanted something classier... Anything Goes, maybe?

"Oh, for the love of God! Help me!"

Oh great, her leading man was trying to eat someone's femur. This was _definitely_ going to be bad for publicity.

Patti thought to herself for a moment. Maybe, she was going about this the wrong way. After all, Kidd and Sis were always telling her to keep things simple. Granted, they were talking about Patti's first cooking lesson. But, despite creating the first, and if Kidd had anything to say about it, final batch of Curry-Mint Pancakes, Patti knew good advice when she heard it. Never say "peach" or "car" in Albania. Er... I mean, keep it simple.

That's why she needed a boom box.

The means of promotion was simplicity in itself. All she had to do was show everyone how awesome her troupe was! And to do that, she needed to put on a dance number. It was the simplest thing ever! So, signaling to Thing, the music picked up and she got ready to dance. As a certain song -**cough*Thriller*cough-** played, the Zombies and Patti moved to the beat.

Many of the children in Times Square that day simply laughed at the display. After all, laughter could easily rob the scariest things of their power. Besides, the song sounded funny. However, many of the older people, particularly those who lived through the era of leg warmers and poofy hair knew the dark, dark truth. It was a simple song about zombies eating people. Naturally, the fear of becoming a buffet for the walking dead overrode any admiration for choreography and chaos ensued. People screamed as they pushed and shoved each other out of the way, fearing for when the music stopped and for their lives. But, Patti didn't mind. Maybe they were all going to tell their friends about how _awesome_ the troupe was and that they should all _totally_ buy tickets. Hooray for Patti! All glory to the Patti! Wait, there's screaming too... Maybe they're screams of joy! Advertisement complete! Now for the rest of the city. And then, the world!

**-Later!-**

"Patti, I'm only going to ask this once. What in the name of symmetry...no_. What in the name of sanity_ happened?" Kidd asked, looking over the scene at Times Square with equal parts disappointment and confusion. A rather stylish looking Patti, dressed in a tap-dancer's tuxedo and matching short shorts smiled at her Meister sheepishly.

"Well, it all started with this weird dream. At least, I think it was a dream about the guy from Fester's lab making me the main character of the fic. Then I went to the Addams library and found some awesome books and then I remembered my zombie dance troupe from a few chapters ago and, _Bang_!" Patti explained. "Here we are! Do I need to sing the song again?"

Kidd blinked, trying to wrap his head around everything that had transpired. He could still see Kitty Cat, in his proud, leonic glory wearing a pointy party hat just over Patti's shoulder. Not to mention the pudding smeared on the stories-high screens or the rocket-powered hot dog carts smoldering in the mid-ground."No, thank you. I think I understand most of it... What I mean is what happened_ here_!"

"Oh. Well, it all started when this mime bumped into me off screen and..."

And so, Patti began to regale a perplexed, second-gen Shinigami with her tales about her day in the spotlight. Unaware, that there may or may not be many more like them. But it didn't matter to the Demon Gun; she had fun today. The most fun she'd had in a while. Now, only one question remained, one simple fundamental query to wrap everything up in a pretty little bow.

…

…

...

"Can we do that again?"

* * *

**Ren: All right, it's always been my head-canon that Patti's very medium aware. Anyway, I think I got a good challenge for everybody. Write a fic where Patti or someone in the Soul Eater cast decides to break the fourth wall. I'll leave the details up to you!**


	10. AN: I'm sorry This may be goodbye

**I know some of you must be sick and tired of checking my stories for updates, only to find seemingly useless Author's notes. And I know a lot of them sound kind of the same. I'm really sorry about that. I've really been letting down anyone who's stuck with this story from the first chapter and anyone's who's been nice enough to review or read it. I know I keep promising to update regularly, but I really can't. I'm a college sophomore and apparently, that's always the hardest year. So, studying and class work's really been piling on and I just can't write new chapters as often as I'd like too, let alone update regularly. So, I'm really sorry about this. But, I'm placing this fic on an indefinite hiatus. I'll probably update it when I have more time... But, I just can't seem to find any at the moment. Also, my Beta reader, InuApril1445 has gotten really busy lately so she won't be able to help me out for a while and I just don't feel comfortable posting anything that hasn't been edited. So, if any registered Beta readers who like Soul Eater fics are reading this. I'm asking you... could you do me a favor and Beta my fics? As least temporarily? I really like writing and I really want to put my best writing out there for anyone who wants to read it.**

**On an unrelated note, I'd like to thank everyone who left a review, added my stories to their favorites list or just plain read it and liked it. I know it's a bit overdue, but thank you and I really mean it. You guys, and you know who you are, you let me know that not everyone on the internet is out to tear each other apart. I didn't start writing here to gain recognition on the internet, I just came to because I loved writing and most of the ideas gravitated to fan-fiction. But, a lot of what you're reading in my fics was spur of the moment stuff that really sounded cool/good/funny at the moment. And... looking back on some of it, I have to say I could've done better. So, I'm asking everyone one last time... Could you please review? Not because I want recognition, but because I want to write something that you'll enjoy reading as much as I did typing it up. If there's anything wrong with it like inconsistent characterization, OCs that seem like Mary-Sues, gaping plot holes or something that just bugged you to no end. I want to know so I can go back, fix them and give you guys something good.**

**Again, I'm really sorry for putting you through all this. But, if you don't see anything new from me by 10/31/12, assume the fics are dead and I'm not coming back. Once again, I'd just like to say I appreciate all the support you've given me since I was a newbie on the site. Thank you, Wolfsbane706 for being a good sport, giving me advice and letting me use your OCs. (P.S. Can I still use them?) Thank you, InuApril1445 for being a fantastic beta reader. And thanks, everyone on for letting a geeky sophomore like me post stuff and not trying to kill me. I'll try to come back and hopefully, I'll give you something worth the wait.**

**-Stay Shiny!-**

**Youryuu-Ren**


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